Disturbia
by losttohavoc
Summary: All her life she's settled to save herself from hurt, all his life he's let no one get close. He doesn't do love and she's never felt it but when they collide there's no question: they should never have met.
1. As Forgetful As A Gunshot

Chapter 1~  
>As Forgetful As A Gunshot<p>

It was common knowledge now: I had the greatest best friends; naturally they knew me so well and because of that fact: they could do no wrong as far as she was concerned. Speaking of the lovely ladies they had blindfolded her, promising that it'd be worth it once she saw where they took her—but she was no idiot, the pulsating music drew her like sunshine to an empty sky, she could barely hold onto her giggles. The strip club was _exactly _what she needed, after yet another fight with the oh-so irresponsive Queen Carol of Bitchdom—who had informed Caroline she wouldn't be gracing her with her appearance at her own daughter's wedding—she felt more than drained.

It was obvious Elena and Bonnie were trying to tell her something: so right then and there she decided she'd let it go, tonight she'd have fun, tonight was her fuckin' bachelorette party after all!, and true to her word she ignored the dread that came with the thoughts of getting married in 48hrs—she was just going to live in the now! Of course it was easier said than done. See they had obvious deeper intentions then fulfilling a dream, they were hear to distract her, this entire party was to distract her; they knew she was a wreck.

Hell Caroline was sure Mystic Falls as a whole community knew she was a wreck, she could feel apprehension like the perfume she wore, painted on her skin as if it belonged there, and as much as she loved her life now she couldn't help but ask: what did I do wrong? Why am I so unhappy? When will I flourish? They were the same questions you heard in high school when your boobs where smaller then everyone else's or you were taller than the boy you liked; petty problems and conundrums that should have been answered when you were still taking career placement tests.  
>Somehow along the way Caroline had missed the class on problem solving and was now perpetually lost, she lived a life that didn't make her happy, nor did it come close to fulfilling her, she loved a man whom was safe and whom she loved; but he didn't thrill her, her job was a safe and prosperous one but she hated it, each day she left the confines of her home she put on a mask: the mask of a vapid blonde to hidden under her narcotic tendencies to notice the snarky looks, and playful jabs that are a little bit absent of playful truth was? She fucking hated the person she'd become, and that was one thing that had followed her through High School and beyond, but she owed it to her girls, tonight she'd be the actress she was destined to be "Ready, Care?" Elena's elated voice sang over the music, "of course!" she shouted back, "alright!" Bonnie sang "1…2…" never the patient one Caroline yanked off the blindfold grinning and shouted "3…!" the girls laughed, not at all surprised that Caroline didn't want to wait. She looked around in awe at the club, bathed as it was in red light, leather and alcohol as far as the eye could see, all of the small tables had been pushed to the back, and a rectangle of comfy sofa-type leather seats sat surrounding a stage like structure, were a single silver chair sat a pink cape with furry tripping trailed along its back "welcome to desire" Bonnie whispered seductively in her ear—which was a shock since Bonnie was queen of prudes—"surprise!" Elena sang from her other side, Caroline was more than a bit shocked "you guys… y-you" she feigned tears, "you rented out an entire Dick bar just for me!" the girls all laughed and hugged "please" Elena began "don't let Marr water you down Care" she just smiled and hugged them to her, through everything they were her rocks; the original true blue besties there through thick and thin, maintaining every bit of emotional stability Caroline could never truly reach.<p>

She'd never pay the debt she owed the two girls now hugging her, not for all the times they'd been there when her "happy" parents divorced. When her mom took a one way first class trip down bitch avenue, they were even there when she had no one to blame but herself—like with… No. Like everything else neg. she would put it away to cry over at a later date, tonight she'd do something she'd been pretending to do for 3 1/2 years now: genuinely happy.  
>Bonnie took Caroline's hand suddenly, Elena taking the other "first things first Care" Bonnie began, "its showcase time" Elena finished for her, the girls like a well-oiled machine "the boys come out, they woo you, you make with the picking and he's yours for the night" Caroline grinned as Bonnie finished: free boys &amp; booze? <em>Behave <em>a voice in her mind whispered but she made no promises, after all no one would speak a word in here tonight it was the code.  
>The two girls pulled her along, she waved and hugged her other friends who'd been invited as the other women took their seats surrounding the stage, a few girls from high school where there like Susan, and Meredith only stopping to give a genuine hug to Vicki—matt sister—when the brunette sauntered over to her kissed her cheek until finally she came to the stairs that led up the cat-walk like stage and Bonnie and Elena plopped her down in the cape draped chair, the two girls scurried down to the seats right in front of her and gave her deviously encouraging grins "you're gonna love this!" Elena whisperyelled—more the latter then the former—but she knew that, they didn't need to tell her. She was going to pick out a boy-toy, and ride out her troubles—figuratively _of course_, she was going to ditch her apprehension about Matt and her worry over the issue of Carol, and most importantly beet down the rising memories that came with her thinking about _him _and those damned haunting eyes.

The lights dimmed then, cloaking the stage she sat on in darkness except for a few filter lights that lined the sides of the catwalk, she looked straight ahead at the cloaked of velvet red that hid backstage from her, and in true Caroline fashion she whooped with the excitement into the darkness, her body already swaying and pumping to the melodic techno beat, when a voice sounded from over the dark covered space of the club it was the rather deep and lustrous voice of a woman "ladies, ladies I can see that where eager to get started" it sang, Caroline looked down at Elena and Bonnie and the three girls screamed in response "was that the bachelorette? Well we _can't _keep _her_ waiting" the music suddenly changed abruptly to something much faster than before, and lights flared to light like tiny sunspots around her, they flickered playfully with the beat and chased the darkness around the packed club "whose first?" the voice drawled, when the light stopped flaring and dancing and suddenly focused on the curtain of velvet in front of her a guy suddenly stood there.

He was naked except for some conveniently placed clouds of cotton, and big white angel wings tied to his shoulders; naturally he was extremely hot all wild blonde hair, blue eyes and pouty lips—which was all fine and dandy, until it hit her that he looked exactly like Matt, which of course killed the fantasy.

The night gradually descended hell hill after that, guy after guy took the stage, there hot gazes locked with the voluptuous blonde—yours truly—some bolder then others; approaching and stroking as she allowed, there playful smiles and lust-filled eyes would be enough for any girl there—and if she tried she could even pretend they were enough for her, but she couldn't find interest nor could she shake her emotions, they clouded every receptor in her head labeled anything positive from happiness to pleasure, her troubles followed haunting her in the forms of the men's faces and personas a blonde here; to represent Matt, one disguised as a cop or a ranger to be Carol, and naturally the dark haired ones to be her biggest regret.

When Bonnie and Elena noticed they tried prodding her, whispering things across the small space like _"oh, he's blonde! You love blondes!" _or _"look at that body, Care!" _and she tried to play along—giving an Emmy worthy performance—but they were her best friends and they immediately saw through her and before long like so many other things in her life, she could feel the self-sabotage: she'd ruined her own bachelorette party. Even the playfully seductive lady-voice above noticed her pout, "my, are beautiful bachelorette is tough to please" she'd sang, "however… we've got someone whose never had any complaints in fact…don't tell any of the others but he's a crowd pleaser and a pantie teaser and…" she paused dramatically, "this girls favorite Ow!" then suddenly the room went completely dark, and the music died. Something like excitement forced her to sit up in her chair, she crossed her ankles in a lady-like-queen-bitch gesture and flipped her hair "move a long wouldja!" she yelled into the cloaked dark, she must have said the magic words since in that moment Rihanna's _Disturbia_ began playing, and above her a circle of lights took shape: a blinding yellowish glow in the form of a full moon, the projection so real that she thought she could see craters in the ceilings dark tile, then a howl pierced the lustrous black, and she couldn't pretend to be uninterested any longer, she felt enamored then: the power of theatrics had effectively possessed her attentions.

She nearly jumped out of her flesh when lips brushed the shell of her ear, and a velvety voice that sent lust and regret through her like the worst form of vertigo, curling around her bones like wicked ice "long time no see, angel", his voice itself was warm and thick and Caroline's body immediately responded, she felt as if a switch had been flicked and said switch had read: emergency shutdown, she'd recognize that voice _anywhere _and the fact that she recognized it in a strip club was testament to that fact, it was a no brainer: a dead ringer for the biggest mistake in her life, and her greatest heartbreak, the lone bringer of both unparalleled pleasure and a mass of crippling pain, the one person that could break the fragile girl of glass she'd become, the lights hit the stage and Caroline's breath caught wrapped in a vice around her lungs, her hearing seemed to dull for only the sound of Bonnie and Elena gasping behind her, she'd been right: "hope you're not afraid of the big bad wolf girls!, be careful he's not housetrained"

**Authors Note: This isn't your run of the mill fic, it's pretty dark though it might not seem like it right now, but as i start it going it goes to some pretty dark, deep places and if your looking for a mushy happy ending type story, stay tuned because i'm sure i can help you out, but as for Disturbia its not the one. If you have any other questions please, go right ahead and ask me :]  
>Review if you've got the time! <strong>


	2. The Big Bad Wolf

Chapter 2  
><em>The Big Bad Wolf<em>

Tyler Lockwood's eyes were mouton caramel when they set on hers from across the glitter covered cat-walk, she found she couldn't get away; she was automatically enthralled and thoroughly entranced. She felt petrified both mentally and physically as his eyes wondered her frame then smacked-dab back into hers, there was so much heat in his gaze that sweat pooled at her hairline—and she couldn't blame the stage-lights—it was Tyler… _her _Tyler and of all places that she would ever see him in, off all places to try and rekindle some sort of friendship with the only boy she ever loved and it was a strip-club.

_Disturbia _blared above her frozen frame, as Tyler grinned devilishly at the ladies and his hips began to swerve—he never took his eyes off of her—if he had been hot in high school looking at him now was almost too much in its own right. She had always thought he was a bit short for his muscular frame when she knew him in high school but now it was as if he had been stretched like an old rubber band, he had filled out, his body molded into those delicious muscles braced on long arms, broad shoulders and a broad chest, his jaw was a bit firmer now the soft angels a bit sharper, his cheek bones more define, that killer dimpled smile of his more sinful than ever. His hair was spiked in different directions, as jet black as ever against his olive toned skin—though he seemed a bit paler then usual—there was a small silver hoop hanging from his bottom lip, and another on his eyebrow… he had always been out there, but it did nothing to take away from his sex-appeal, if possible: they amplified it.

He worked his body to the erratic beat of the music, wearing only a pair of _extremely _tight black boxers-briefs. Written across his crotch in white letters was the words _If you lick me… _and a black and white fur coat that only came to his waist, the zipper undone baring his fantastic chest and abs. She scolded herself, _women to be married in only—48 hours—do. Not. Drool over other men._ But she couldn't help herself, none of the women could Tyler had effectively enthralled a room of screaming and intoxicated horny females, their eyes watched his hips with as if a single stream of lustful thoughts kept them from rushing the stage, in so many words: he was sex on a stick.

He turned that bone melting smirk of sin on her, as he pumped his hips forward and back, forward and back, then drawing them in a slow and sensual circle, he jumped in the air and brought his body back down pinning all of his weight on his upper-body slowly nailing his lower body into the ground like a body wave, his crotch gliding slowly against the stage, his right leg in the air, his body pounded slowly into the ground, rolling into the glitter covered stage, that same damn smirk plastered to his lips as he nailed some imaginary chick into the ground.

Then he was crawling towards her, the look in his eye one of pure hunger and she could swear her vision hazed over; I wondered briefly if he was trained to give those looks, though something in the outright cinder along my bones told me that, that look was just for me. He crawled until he was between my legs, then putting his hands on my waist he swiveled his body up through my legs, his body so close to mine that his noes brushed between my thighs, and as he we got waist to waist he thrust our bodies together. I felt ensnared; his presence alone had turned my heartbeat into a malfunctioning metronome. He slid his hands up the back of her chair, until he boxed her in and then staring directly into her eyes, he rolled his hips against her, then grinning he jumped off her lap shooting up. Caroline—as well as the other ladies she was sure—where puddles as he moved to stand in front of Caroline, playing with the waistband of his boxers his eyes met hers directly and she found herself gasping—it wasn't the first time they'd made eye contact by any means tonight but it was suddenly as if he'd touched her with a flaming poker, he was eye-fucking her like she was some girl he planned to buy a drink later that night.

It should have infuriated her, but she'd never been so turned on in her existence, arousal sat in her lap like a chunky toddler and she couldn't get rid of it, Tyler playfully lowered his boxers until you could see the v-shape made by his body, then turned to give the crowd his perfect ass, the words _I'll roll over_ were painted in white along his cheeks. He shook his ass and it felt like the room moaned in unison.

Then he spun around and started walking… back toward her as if she hadn't had enough. Her skin prickled with anticipation and she could swear the entire room could see the bulge of her heart against her chest, he strutted up to her, still shaking his hips to the ebbing music, then just like she was a part of the chair Tyler back into my lap, his lower body pressed into mine, he swerved rocking his entire body back, and then forward humping me like his name was Fido. The action so sensual that I felt my deepest bit of resistance to his seduction turning to silly putty, then he took her hand and wrapped their fingers together, in jerky slow motions he moved her hand down his body coated in a thin sheen of glitter and sweat, the whole time he thrust forward into her open legs; and she was sure then that he didn't even see the other women in the room. That was what terrified her the most. He brought her hand all the way down to the waistband of his boxers and then with a grin that would filthy a roll of Clorox whips, shot there joined hands into his boxers.

The voice from above boomed her dissatisfaction, "tsk tsk, bad boy!" Tyler made a pouty face and lagged his tong out quickly before grinding into me one last time and shooting up from my lap. Keeping my hand in place until our bodies detached, he pranced around shaking that tight ass of his swerving in and out of the isles, the ladies all tapping it as he walked by them, sticking it out then he was back on the stage bowing dramatically as the music ended.  
>Caroline's body felt tight and warped, like she was drowning while tied up and strapped to a sinking anvil, voices boomed around her, but she found she couldn't look away from Tyler who had yet to look away from her it was as if he were silently saying <em>if<em> _you were mine, I would do more than hump you _the thoughts made her shiver, and she noticed that he smirked. She hated him. The seductive and lovely voice of the female announcer spoke up then, as the club's dim lights relit the room, the girls around us where already cheering _"Pick the wolf!" _they chanted and Tyler grinned smugly.

She wouldn't pick Tyler though, there was no way that'd be like shooting yourself in the face, sure it'd be good to see him again , talk to him… hear his voice… touch him, hug him… kiss—no. UGH why did he have to be so… so… seductive? Even as he simply stood there, lined up with the other guys—who all laughed and patted his shoulder—he was galaxy's ahead of their league; it was in the way he stood the confident set of his wide shoulders, the damn right hungry gleam in his eyes, the desire-full smirk he wore constantly, the way his hair sat disheveled on his head like he'd been freshly sexed, the curve of his body it was like he was born to entice; straight out of some hopeless virgins midnight wet dreams.

He looked nothing like the ass-whole, insecure, sweet–heart of a boy she'd known in high school and it was because of all those reasons that as she sat there listening to the women drone about her choice Caroline knew she was going to pick Tyler she _needed _to pick Tyler, every part of her screamed for him, for him to be closer for him to touch her, to hold her, to say her name _god _who _was_ she supposed to be marrying? "So what'll it be your highness? Break the hearts of millions and choose 1" the voice droned, one of the waiters walked by and put a small pink charm in her hand, it was shaped like a heart and read _Care_ she smirked at her best friends, their faces alight with her finally enjoying herself. She looked up for the first time realizing all the men wore spiked collars a small circular chain link hung at the edges ready for her to clip her tag to them, this was _the _best birthday ever even if she saw no other men but Tyler up on stage. She got out of chair and on surprisingly wobbly legs made her way up the stairs; she walked right to Tyler who leaned out like a proud puppy as she clipped her trinket on his throat "good choice angel" he smirked again and her knees shook. He wasn't playing fair; using her old nickname? Didn't he _know?_ She was getting married! "Off you go then babies, into the _private _room back stage, don't you be too loud now sweets" the voice teased. Tyler wrapped his thick fingers around mine and intertwined them, wordlessly he led me into the darkness of backstage as soon as we were away from prying eyes.

The words spewed forth on automatic "Tyler, ohmagod, I—I can't believe you're here, I mean what are you doing here—I mean not that it's bad that you're a stripper because you're a great stripper but—wait it's awful that you're a stripper and I didn't mean you were great—wait you are good, I mean you're _really _good, but wait that didn't come out right" he turned gently tugging me after him, "please talk to me!, do you hate me? Do you wish I wasn't here tonight? Do you wanna go back? I can pick someone else, I liked the red headed guy; Tyler?" he opened the door and ushered me inside the plush room, it was dimly lit with different scents mingling around it, a bed sat in the middle of the room, draped with velvet silk sheets and surrounded by scented candles. Tyler kicked the door shoot with his bare-feet the sound startling me, "Tyler please I'm s—" Tyler chuckled warmly, smiling genuinely for the first time tonight, his beautiful features without the distorting of his new infamous smirk "Care?" he whispered stepping closer to me, "hmm?" I said exasperated and a bit breathless at his closeness "shut up" he grinned as he brought his lips to mine.

I hated to be dramatic but… it was like my world tilted on its axis, and then imploded, Tyler's mouth was hot and insistent on mine and before long the innocent kiss was so heated and hungry that are teeth gnashed together, my hands dug into his hair scratching gently at his scalp the way he use to like—he moaned his approval—his body was heat I never wanted to lose.  
>His fingers moved to cup my face and he kissed me even harder, his tong striking at mine with fervor, I kissed him back digging and pulling harshly at his hair. He moved his hands down to my thighs and massaged gently before lifting me like I was weightless into his arms for a moment we just stood there immersed in the scents of the room, and immersed in each other using each other's bodies as exits for lives we wished we didn't live. I clawed at his hair, trying to rip him apart so that I could climb in, his mouth scaled my jawline, nipping and laving at it as he crushed me to him, my body helpless without anything to cling to but the muscles of his shoulders "god, Tyler" I moaned when he nicked the right spot behind my ear, I through my head back and he took advantage, his tong laving at the place he knew drove me <em>insane<em> he bit at the pulse of my throat and I came apart like an old toy in his arms, "Tyler _please_…" I begged, he nipped one more time before his body was moving, he lay me down on the bed his form sliding between my thighs.  
>He smashed his mouth back onto mine, tasting like everything that I needed but couldn't have like sin and forbidden pleasure, with a tinge of caramel—his favorite—before I could stop him his hands where moving frantic, shoving my shirt up and over my head, his tong traced every bit of skin that came free with the removal of my shirt—laving at the valley between my breast, down my stomach and dipping into my bellybutton and all I could do was moan and writhe underneath his body as his hands held mine in place above my head.<p>

His hands glided hotly down the sides of my body until they reached my pants, and together we shimmed me out of them "T-t" she moaned, unable to even remember how form coherent thoughts and sentences as his hands brushed her core, she moaned in protest as he rubbed his thumb over her clit through the material then pulled back, "p-p" she tried to beg but he was kissing her again and her mind was pulling at blanks, then his fingers were moving her panties down her thighs and plugging into her wet heat, she moaned loudly into his mouth and he bit on her lip gently to shush her.

Sensations clouded her mind and very being as he played with her; pumping his fingers softly deep inside her and curling them against her, while his thumb stroked her clit in small circles the passion of the moment and the sheer force of his thick digits inside of her where too much and it felt to good, her mind was a blank slate, she lived in a world where trouble never existed and there were no other moments other than the ones she shared with Tyler. No other moments than right now. She didn't last long against his ministrations, in moments arching and screaming into his mouth as an orgasm so fierce slammed through her that for a moment she thought she was blind, white light and stars flared behind her eyes as she came against his digits.  
>He pulled his fingers from her and with ravenous eyes, licked them clean like a starving man. She nearly came again at the utter devilish hunger that shadowed his dark gold eyes as he tasted her, he gave her a slick smirk and when he spoke his voice was ragged and low with lust like a growl "god care…, you taste better then you look" then he was kneeling in front of her spreading her thighs with his warm hands. Faintly in the back of her mind, something whispered <em>stop! You're getting yourself into a mess this is a road we swore we'd avoid, stop stop!<em> But it quickly vanished, the instant his tong touched her core; she cried out and tried to arch but he locked his arms around her waist and held her body against the bed.

His tong flicked at her relentlessly and all she could do was whimper and cry at his affections, it was the most torturous pleasure she'd ever experienced and she wanted more. She gripped his hair in her fingers and let the wild shock of coal hair dance between her finger tips she pulled and flattened his hair as he pressed his tong inside of her, sucking gently licking her all the way up and bringing her clit between his full lips and with one good suck, and the sensation of his thick digits curling inside of her, her second orgasm barreled into her. He let her hips go as she came against his lips. He licked and drank all she had to offer as if she were his first meal in days, the orgasm so intense that she began to shake beneath him.  
>She heard the familiar sound of fabric, and new that he had shed his boxers, she felt his rock hard member brush her thighs as he climbed her body placing soft kisses on her still shaking skin until he found her lips, this time when he kissed her it was with a tenderness that made her heartbreak his tong glided along hers and she felt completely sated, the taste of herself on his mouth so erotic that she couldn't ask for anymore but then he was pushing into her, slowly—painfully slow still kissing her with enough passion that she clung to him convinced she'd literally full to pieces if she let go, she wanted him—and she wanted him now, she thrust her hips up effectively impaling herself with him and both of them groaned in unison at the feel of each other, "Tyler…" she breathed he snuggled his face in the crook of his neck and moaned in consent, "I know angel, I know" then he was moving slowly he shuffled and moved her body so that she straddled him and he sat up, their bodies mingled and glistening as he thrust slowly up inside of her, his arms where wrapped so tightly around her, her body so crushed against his that breathing became difficult.<p>

The lovers clutched frantically at each other, all desperation and passionate need, as if they couldn't get close enough to each other.

Then his movements where frantic, his body began smashing into hers his pumping ragged and deep, the thrusts so powerful that her entire body jumped with them, tiny fireworks of celebration lit up her eyelids, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and she did the same, his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her sweat slick body against his, as his thrusts so ragged and crazed that she felt it as there bodies slid to the end of the bed, further and further until his legs where the only thing keeping her from falling, he pumped into her over and over, deeper and deeper until her third orgasm of the night hit her she bit down on the flesh of his pulse and he roared as he finally came, emptying inside of her.

The two of them finally slid down, his body leaning against the beds end hers leaning against his as she straddled him, their legs tangled, there sweat sheened bodies leaning on one another for support. The only sound, the labored breathing of lovers with shattered hearts  
>For a moment everything was perfect—this was a reality she wished she was a part of her body lay spent against the one person who truly knew her, his arms wrapped around her so intimately that she knew he'd never let her go, skin to skin, their bodies still joined full of each other's essence. <p>

It was then that she finally submitted to the terrors the night had brought; she had and probably never would stop loving Tyler Lockwood.


	3. Eternity in Seconds

Chapter 3  
>Eternity in Seconds<p>

How _exactly _do you word a revenge plan gone haywire?; He had wanted to drive himself into her, dive into her until she didn't even remember her ABC's let alone the guy who she supposedly belonged to. He had wanted to spellbind her, to poses her, to enchant and embody to drive her mad but it hadn't… gone that way. In fact she had consumed _him_ he was something right now that was an emotion foreign to him; happy, and like every other time he'd been happy in the past, it was because of her.

She was so beautiful against his chest, even more so than all those years back, her tanned skin a glow, her body curvy…mouthwatering, hair the color of sunrays—a bit longer since the last time he'd seen it, reaching her waist like the goddess she was—a mess wound around his fingers, her lips swollen and luscious from _his _kisses and her eyes that same shade of jade. Gravity seemed to hit her then as he sat stroking her like the prize she was; she went stone against his chest, cold and still, the gentle rubbing of her fingers along his thigh froze and he knew what she was thinking; the words stung him—as much as he'd deny that truth—like dry-ice they whispered darkly between his ears _mistake_, No. She didn't get to hurt him again, he had nothing left to hurt; he pushed her from his body, dislodging himself from inside of her and pulled his boxers up around his waist—since they were all he wore, it was a lot easier to get dressed—he was wordless as he moved to stand, he risked a glance at Caroline one more time…

He wouldn't and _couldn't_ see her again, so he committed her to memory, eyes shattered and conflicted lips swollen berry red and parted in question as well as plea, hair disarrayed and framing her face in angelic gold. He'd fucked up, but he wouldn't make the _mistake _again. He crossed the room in seconds, body taunt with rejection but he froze at the door, unable to deny he it, he spun on his heel and all but ran across the room shimming out of his boxers as he moved so that they now blanketed at his ankles, he lifted her into his arms as the lust that darkened her eyes drove home in his veins; the perfect high, "Tyler…I need you" he whimpered—unfazed by the lack of testosterone—how could she say things like that? She was the fucking devil, he found the next words to leave his mouth tasted like desperation "Care _please"_ he wasn't sure what he was begging for; her to stop, her to let him go, free his heart and soul, to hold him closer, to never let go, to finally claim him for what he was; hers, couldn't see she? She was _killing _him, "Ty…" it was so breathless, so simple but he heard it; she wanted him. He _needed_ her. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he wound her legs around his waist and pushed his pulsing hard on home, her head flew back, his legs shook with the pleasure of fusing their bodies, his knees went weak and he sloppily fell forward pushing deeper inside of her.  
>His body wedged between her thighs as he thrust into her, driven by something animal inside of him insatiable and dark, longing only for her, she arched as he switched his angle to thrust into her deeper, pressing every bit of her delicious skin against his, they both moaned and he found he couldn't take his eyes off of her.<br>He moved inside of her with brutally power and slow thrust, each time he slammed into her it stole her breath away and she gasped into his mouth, she threw her head back crying out as he slammed inside her spreading her thighs further apart; he laved at her pulse tasting strawberry, and thrust roughly and raggedly as he felt his balls tighten, he moved his fingers to where they were connected and tweaked her roughly she screamed as she came apart, the two of them barreling into oblivion together.

So they sat, entangled with one another once again, both bare in more ways than just physically, "you're getting married" he finally said, as if saying it would darken his lit soul—force him to remember that she wasn't his and never again could be, or maybe it was simply his conscious coming up for air, after being submerged into instinct: Caroline brought _instinct _out of him, it was _instinct _to love her and _instinct _to want her, kiss her, need her.  
>She laughed nervously, "believe it or not" he frowned, drawing a circle just above her bellybutton, his body still sat between her legs, hers still on either side of his waist; the position so intimate he quaked inside, "what do you mean?" he asked making a face, she mimicked his look and started "well I—" only to be cut off by the a knock at the door, it seemed to turn there perpetually tilted worlds back on the right, and put the moment they had shared on permanent pause, this time Caroline rushed out from under him; as if afraid to be seen so…close. <p>

He frowned, maybe it was in disgust… more likely hurt, the squirming circle of pride he still had—after begging and whimpering during sex, with a women who spurned his love—took another detrimental hit, it was the last straw. He stood, and for the sec. time that night slid into his boxers, just as Caroline's obnoxious besties from high school Bonnie Bennett walked in, "Cre" she froze at the scene of Caroline covered only by the velvet sheets, that had slid to the ground with their joined bodies. The emerald eyed beauty turned a scowl on him, "what have you done?" she nearly growled, Tyler gave Caroline a wistful smile; "I said goodbye" he left without giving either of the women a second glance.  
>He walked through the club, feeling as if the air had been sucked from the space around him, he still held onto the <em>"If you were mine…" <em>smirk, he might not have meant it but he was still at work. He was eyeing the bar when a lithe body bumped into his, "watch—"he began only to be cut off by familiar chocolate eyes, "Tyler" he'd know that voice anywhere. Another women on the list of people who spurned him, another soul who left him broken, made him dependent and crushed the bond; Elena Gilbert, she was the third member of the golden trio, "Tyler… it is you, oh my god" he didn't have time for this—not for her, and not for the feelings chasing him throughout the club, bodiless shapes filled with torment and ache-like longing. There had been a time when he and Elena… but well she'd shown him that it wasn't mutual, he gave her an icy smile worthy of freezing summer and breezed past her, he thought he saw her flinch.

He liked his apartment. It was decent—had to be, he may be a fuck-up but he was still a Lockwood—it had a spectacular view, a perfect place for someone like him. Secluded and lonely—cliché as it may be—he kicked the door closed with his boot. His vision was in doubles, and he could feel sweat and glitter mingling along the hairs of his skin, he was in a state; he knew it. He didn't care. He needed to be numb, as cowardly as it may be he wanted to like a visitor in the body of Tyler Lockwood, all of the charming smirks, and dashing good-looks but with none of the paralyzing pain and stomach knotting longing that now pulsed just beneath the surface of his tired flesh. He tried walking only to fall sloppily to his knees, he crawled shakily to the end table in between his couch and the TV, grabbing a fresh needle and a rubber band, with wobbly limbs he pulled the rubber against his bicep and tied it tightly to procure a vein, his body was now screeching for the High.  
>He hated <em>this <em>his state, the person he was, the drug that took his Uncle… but he couldn't stop. Tears formed in his hazy blood-red eyes, as he jabbed the needle into his flesh moaning as the drug filled him, swallowing his sorrow and the memories of the cause, it through numb satisfaction as deep as to the pit he called his heart. He pulled himself to shaky feet and dragged his carcass to the door, of his bedroom using the doorknob he lunged forward with his weight and landed on his stomach on his bed.

He slid his t-shirt over his head, and shimmed his jeans and boxers down until they pooled around his ankles and gave up.

Then he lay there quietly shivering in forced ecstasy, and dark pleasures, a cold sweat lighting his skin in a blurry haze against the dim fluorescent, he lay there until the darkness descended and finally silenced his misery.

_He grinned as he chugged the remnants of his beer—it was his 5__th__ of the night, not to mention the 2 shots he took from between Vicki Donovan's breasts, his blood still sizzled from the pills Gage Devlin had given him and his vision was beyond blurred; he simply saw breezy colors and stuffy shapes. _

_He made wasted look like pleasantly buzzed. Dazedly he wandered down the hallway of his family's manor, the empty stale scent of high society filling him with disgust; he hated his family—save for the angel his mom was. He tripped, his body hurling forward until he met the maroon carpet with a soft thud, he felt the whisky bottle clatter to the floor in his hand, only half-aware of the glass cutting into his palm as the glass shattered and the sick-sweet scent of the stuff pooling around him like pee. He lay there partially aware of the laughs and giggles of the intoxicated and free, when a voice scolded the air "Tyler!" he looked up, familiar golden waves of hair…green eyes? He grinned cheekily "top of the morning, Carol!" he shouted, she didn't respond and Tyler pouted.  
>He felt the warmth of her fingers on his bare skin, chill bumps speckled his shoulders like freckles, and his hair still stuck to his forehead from the icy water him and Stefan Salvatore along with Cory Vega had jumped into; the sickeningly cold water had been a moment of clarity in his life of murky incidents. <em>

_The other boys had taken off, chasing girls to "keep them warm" but Tyler didn't need them, if he wanted it; they'd come._

_ The sensation of gentle rug burn brushed his belly as he felt Caroline dragging him along, his pants moved a bit lower with every pull since he'd lost his belt when taking his pants off to jump in, he shook slightly and his skin almost looked a pale blue In the light, he wasn't complaining though._

_Not when he was like this, sated and numb. What else would you wish to feel when your father thought you were a failure before you could even properly spell the word, when everything you did was never good enough, and everyone you loved didn't love you, he'd long ago adopted the philosophy that alcohol would be his world of magic so to speak, a snippet of light in a void of shadow, and there he'd be blissfully unaware of the troubles of the heart. Blissfully unaware of any and everything, just numb._

_Tyler sucked in a ragged breath as he felt the texture under his belly—warm carpet—chance to a chill reminiscent of the icy winter water, it felt almost like home against his ill colored skin, then came the shock. Hot water shot straight through his skin, his body fell into the tub and the water fell like fountain shoots over his head, he groaned trying to hold onto the false solution of numbness as it faded with clarity, he gasped a bit haggardly at the air, and water filling his lungs "what the fuck…!" he slurred as Caroline's frowning face came into focus, "Ty" she whispered, "what the hell are you doing? The scouts are coming tomorrow! You won't be at your best or even your worst _this_ hung-over" he shook his head, a sad smile on his face "doesn't matter" Suddenly he was jerked upward, the sensation creating the worst vertigo "you're an idiot! It does matter, this is _your_ life and I'd sooner cut my hair then let you waste away like the nobody that You. Are. Not." He stared at her. Stunned. She…the words came before he could stop them but he didn't regret it, not with her—never "my dad doesn't agree. Care he wants me to be something I'm not—something with law, Care… I told him, I told him I'm dyslexic" Caroline's face immediately softened and she sighed. She was just as exhausted with his life as he was, "_No son of mine is going to waste his life away on some stupid game, I don't care how fucking stupid you are" _Tyler shook his head smirking, _"Care… he wasn't drunk. He meant those things, he was fully conscious"_ She didn't answer, just slid a leg over the tub and before he knew it, stepped into the shower of heat and ice with him. She pulled his face into her neck and he didn't stop her.  
>"you might be an idiot, but you're the smartest one I've ever met" she hugged him to her and he smiled faintly. Sometimes he could do without the blur, and the booze… sometimes he just needed her.<em>

Tyler's eyes snapped to attention when he felt a sharp pain in his right ass-cheek, he groaned and cracked an eye open, "wakey, wakey Ty" Lucifer in hell. He groaned, "leave me alone, Matthew" he bemoaned, "Matt tksed and grinning said "nope" he slapped Tyler's ass again, this time sending the hung-over addict into a frenzy of rage "Jesus, I fucking hate you, you dick" Matt just laughed "that's not what you said last night" Tyler grinned at the blonde, "I do believe I did mention fucking though, just not to you" he frowned at himself, it was _Caroline _he couldn't talk like that about her. Naked he sat up and kicked his ankle-bound jeans—along with his boxers—to the floor and stood to stretch, in all his morning-wood n' glory.  
>Matt groaned and shielded his eyes, "Jesus, you're going to put an eye out, can you put "ty-ga" away?" Tyler chuckled, "sorry I forgot I make you feel insecure when we do it in the light" picking up a random pair of pink briefs, speckled with phone numbers he slid into them letting the waistband slap into his hips. Caroline used to love when he did that. He eyed his bestfriend since college, he looked frayed; his sunray colored hair a messy toss up on his head, his blue eyes shadowed with dark circles "what's up?" Tyler asked warily, "well I got a call last night and I—"Matt stopped, then scowled "Tyler" he snarled, "where's the fucking needle you snuck? I told you. You won't be Mason" and with that his friend stood. <em>Shit <em>Tyler thought, sighing _Life and Times of a Heroin addict, Addicted to heartbreak._


	4. Wicked Vertigo

Chapter 4  
>Wicked Vertigo<p>

Matt was no idiot—his degree almost always said a blatant otherwise—"Matt…" he said airily, beginning to follow the blonde as he trekked around his room tossing clothes, "did you shoot up last night, and your clearly drunk, Ty—both?, I've told you about this man, you mean to much to me for me to let you kill yourself". He knew Matt cared, Matt was all he had left he'd met him at university—well the month that Tyler had been at university—and it'd been love at first sight~ which was strange because Matt was his opposite in every way where: Tyler was extreme, wild and crude, Matt was mannerly, safe and polite they were a contradiction of rare sorts, they got along better than Tyler did with his own family and if it wasn't for there almost always prominent sexual innuendo's Tyler would have thought of Matt as his blood brother—because he was freaky, but incest was just a bit past his white line—it was for those reasons that Tyler had these conversations with Matt.  
>He let the other man nag him, and boy did he; when Tyler had first decided stripping was what he chose to do—and it wasn't because he wanted too, even though he never complained about the job—Matt had initially thrown a bitch fit, telling him that he couldn't support himself by getting eye fucked by housewives all night but Tyler had talked him down, promising that it wouldn't last—he'd lied.<p>

Tyler had been working at the dark natured club for over a year now and it wasn't because he enjoyed his time there—though he did enjoy it—it was for the one woman in his life who loved him regardless of his state. Carol Lockwood was his heart and he'd be damned if she died because he couldn't pull the money together necessary to help her-His father's last act of spite against his own family had sent him and his mom into bankruptcy. Go figure, his pops had been fucking, his secretary—Matt had given it his best to try and get him to take another job but Tyler's mind had been set, he thought stripping would be fun and it was a way to make money that he could do—he had the attention span of a mouse, there was no way he'd be able to sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day. Then of course there was the whole, reading backwards thing.

Tyler moved across his tattered room the floorboards creaking under his bare feet, until he was standing in the doorway to his bathroom he heard Matt's soft footsteps behind him and knew the boy had gave up his search and followed him "are you even listening to me?" Tyler sighed "Of course Matt. I—I had a rough night last night is all. I'll be more careful" Matt mumbled something under his breath that sounded like _don't bullshit me _"look. I get what you're doing, and in fact you know that I respect you for it, you want to do this for her and you want to do it yourself, but Ty you've got to clean yourself up you've got to see someone, talk to someone that is paid to fix you and you've got to do it soon… do you think Carol would like what she saw in her son if she woke up today or tomorrow? She'd blame herself and I know you love her too much to see her do that" he sighed, "You really know where my kill-shots are don't you?" Tyler leaned over into the large black tub and turned the dial watching the shower water spew forth.

He knew she would blame herself, and he knew he was a fucking mess. He felt it every time the needle pierced his veins; that flash of perpetual clarity the drug brought, waving it around like a flag of warning before with a grin his demons swallowed the rush whole, and with it his consciousness but damn if he genuinely couldn't stop. He'd tried but he just couldn't.

Nobody brought him comfort like drugs and alcohol did, nobody numbed him—he wasn't happy and god if he knew how to fix it… he was more alone than ever and truthfully? He didn't know how to survive on his own. Tyler had never been addicted to anything before, he didn't know how to handle the desperate feeling until it hit him, it was like drowning the drug—heroine—became his air he needed to breathe and he needed his high when those attacks fell on him, his father use to tell him stories of the Lockwood curse: Tyler thought it was a myth, so did the rest of the uppity Lockwood's who never truly had a problem bigger then there shofar being late. He believed it now.

Turning back toward Matt, Tyler ran a hand down his face "look…, I know she'd hate this but… Matt I _can't _stop, and I'm not sure I want to, who am I hurting? If I want to destroy myself why does it matter? It makes me feel good for even a little while, you know I don't do_ good _on my own" Matt sighed and copied Tyler's earlier motion, "Jesus Christ Ty, you sound like—like an addict" Tyler shook his head "I'm not addicted. I'm just—having a little fun" he lied "it's just—last night things in my life caught up with me and it was a bit overwhelming" Matt was quiet for a moment watching his best friend work the shower water until he was hot, he knew Tyler was lying.

He had the habit of avoiding eye contact when he lied, his shoulders usually tensed and he almost always talked slowly as if being clear would dull the lie but what could he do? Tyler wouldn't go seek help, because Tyler wouldn't agree to being addicted and if he couldn't get him there willingly he needed someone more important in Tyler's life—someone with rights—to sign him into a clinic that only person in his family left was Carol and she had yet to wake up from her Cancer induced coma, all he had where these talks where he assessed his brother; he was getting worse and worse.

When he visited Tyler today, he saw it immediately when his friend woke up his eyes where the color of lava—glassy and burning like hot rocks, his skin had also been scorching when he touched it, and Tyler had never looked so frayed. Whatever had happened last night had pushed him into heroine for the 3rd time this week, he knew Ty wouldn't talk about but whatever _it _was he had to convince him to avoid it "Tyler, whatever pushed you this far—"Tyler waved a careless hand "stay away from it, blahdy blah" the other male grinned cheekily at him, "wanna join me Matt? You can get my back" Matt grinned tiredly "no thanks stud. You go ahead, but hurry up we're supposed to be trying on suits today after we visit Carol" Tyler nodded his head, opting to stop talking about the situation at hand. Matt quietly made his way out of the bathroom.

Tyler stripped down and stepped into the shower, the hot water cleansing on his skin, but also more than a painful reminder, the last time he thought of a shower was last night when that memory had come to him in a dream, he remembered that night.  
>He always remembered when she touched him. Looked at him. Back in those days, they had gone in different circles, both were popular—Tyler the quarter-back, Caroline the head cheerleader but it had quickly gone to shit when they met and began a friendship he'd value more than life she was his rock, she made him smile when his father first began his tirade on Tyler's life, she made him laugh when he was sure he'd be nothing but a nuisance to the world, Tyler's mind had been in a dark place back then and…he knew he was dragging Care down with him, but like now and probably forever Tyler had no Manuel to his life, he lived everything wild and free and when things spun out of control his only course of action was to take the ride, but because of that mentally he was more marked up then whiteboard, he doubted he'd ever be clear.<br>His demons lurked always quietly searching for a way to consume him, take his mind and leave his body but he could never tell Matt that if the other man ever figured it out, Tyler would be Lindsey Lohan-ed so fast that his pretty-little-head would spin, but that wasn't the point. He had hurt Caroline then she hated to see him the way he was, hated to see him sabotage his chances at life with alcohol and cheap girls who wanted his dick and nothing else—he was all but too happy to give it to them, that much hadn't changed.  
>It's for that reason that Caroline Forbes cut him from her life. He remembered the night though, she'd been so gentle with him, it was the first time Tyler's feelings had let loose, the first time his soul had sung with what he felt for Caroline, he loved her, he loved her so much it suffocated him, so much so that it became a sort of parasite sucking away his life and sense of peace until all he could think about was her—pleasing her, having her, <em>his <em>Caroline. At first it'd felt like she loved him too.

They had never officially been dating but everyone knew that Tyler Lockwood and Caroline Forbes were off the market, they were always together in; corners kissing and touching at games laughing at private jokes when Tyler sat on the bench, at school texting and meeting on the staircase for quick tastes, she became like a drug in her own right to him and he'd had to quit cold turkey when she up and left him.  
>He'd never felt something more painful than when she said the words <em>I can't do this anymore Ty<em>. He'd been frantic, panic had turned his heart into a stallion on overtime, and his body had gone into begging mode… he couldn't lose her, it was the first time she'd seen the _real _Tyler, the genuine guy who was drowning in his own black soul.

A hard knock from Matt told him he'd been in two long, standing under the hot water, so he made quick work of washing then stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist, when he got out Matt was on the phone sitting on his bed _"I know and I'm sorry, but I promised I'd go today. I can't back out now, what would you say if I told you it was wedding related?" _he knew he was walking to his fiancé. He'd never met the girl, but she must have been pretty interesting to have Matt allow her to leash him the way she had, frat boy Matt was officially no more, he had gone and became a gentlemen. That life wasn't for Tyler, even if a certain blonde had asked him.

Tyler quickly got dressed in skinny jeans and a black tank top, he slid a black baseball cap over his wild hair and grabbed the keys to his bike, but Matt slapped his hands mouthing _hell no_, still talking on the phone, so he sighed and tailed behind his friend as they left his apartment.

When Tyler gets to the hospital he falls into the regiment; when he walks in his moms room, nobody is allowed to follow so Matt waits outside, before he even looks at his mom he puts her fresh flowers in a vase full of water, adjusts the ones he brought last time, and makes sure it's nice and toasty—the way she likes it—in the room, and then he waists by the bed his back turned to her because sometimes it hurts more than others to see her—he can't fall apart in front of the nurse.

The nurse walks in a few minutes after he arrives, a cute little thing with long reddish brown hair and a pretty smile, her names Jenna "oh, Hey there Ty what are you doing out of bed so early?" he gives her an Ernest smile, he knows better than to be the new Tyler outside his mom would have none of that disrespect. He hands out on a daily basis these days "I just couldn't wait to see mom today" he says with a sad smile, she returns it and moves some hair from her face, "Ty… Carol is, well she's stable, but that's the only bit of good news I've got for you, your mom has to go back into chemo, the cancer is back" Tyler bit so hard into his lip that he broke the skin, "and?" he asked in a whisper "well… were unable to do the treatment while she is in her comma, it will be extremely difficult for her body to sustain it while its dormant like this, plus we can't properly nourish her on IV's alone, she needs to wake up before we can start treatment on the cancer that's reformed" Tyler gulped, they had no set date for when Carol was to wake up, he had no clue if she ever would and now he was faced with the decision that could finish him, he was a survivor not superhuman.

He racked a hand through his hair angrily, "Jenna. What—what are the chances my mom wakes up this month? Do you think she'll be ready next month, Or in time for her chemo to be successful again?" Jenna's grim frown tells him all he needs to know, but she speaks anyway "I can't be sure. The doctors want to try something new with her, that could boost her odds but nothing is set in stone Tyler" meaning odds: were not very good. Tyler storms past her and down the hallway he can hear Matt on his tale shouting "what happened? Ty!" but Tyler's body is hungry for it now. He always carries it around with him for times like this; when the pain is too much and he needs to silence it if he wants to stay sane.

Darkness is creeping on the very borders of his flesh and he can sense the need for it to overwhelm him, his body calls for the empty needle in his back pocket and so does his mind, whatever he thought he was going to do today seems unimportant, all he wants now is feel the high to lose Tyler; leave that prick behind in the shadows, and move to the blissful light of ignorance, become ignorant to his life, to his family, to Matt and worse of all to Caroline Forbes.

Tyler rushes down the sterile smelling hallway until he finds a bathroom, his body is going numb with need when he reaches it and he pushes the door open, nearly falling to his knees with the hunger when he's inside, he doesn't bother to get the light. Just starts tying the rubber band around his exposed bicep, his movements are jerky and frantic.

His body coated in sweat from the effort it took to make it this far. His hands shake vigorously as he fills the needle, and then he's jabbing himself so hard that he knows it'll bruise. He throws his head back in the bliss of the drug, his body going slack on the public bathroom floor, he sits alone like the lost child he is in a world that's too much for him, and waits for the darkness to swallow him in its icy wake.

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope everyone had a good time with family and friends and for those of you to whom it applies, happy healing for that hangover, I've been busy and because of that I've been slacking majorly and for that I apologize, but I'm back and so are my updates, since I've been so neglectful there's the 4****th**** chapter along with the previously updated 3****rd**** chapter, I plan on updating numero 5 as well before the night is over so stay tuned, as you can see things are getting… a bit darker and Tyler's story is only going to grow in that department hang in there though, a certain blonde is coming to his rescue. No promises of course!**

**Please review if you've got the time, if not? As always read and enjoy~**


	5. Descending Into Insanity

Chapter 5  
>Descending into Insanity<p>

_"so anyway Caroline I—" Caroline made a soft yelping noise as familiar warm hands pulled her into the darkened back staircase, Tyler grinned proudly down at her as he pulled her against his chest "you do not ignore my texts" he growled playfully into her neck, she giggled and pushed at him "I'm sorry!, I didn't have a choice" he bit down on the flesh just above her pulse "I don't think I forgive you" she moved her hands through his hair, trying not to moan as his hands began there tirade up her skirt.  
>There was never too much, and never the wrong place with him and she couldn't deny it: sometimes it excited her.<br>"What can I do to get your forgiveness?" she asked breathlessly, his hands where between her thighs drawing circles and purposely avoiding where she needed them to be, the grin he gave her would have brought terror to any virgins heart "drop your skirt, angel"—_

"Care!" a voice hissed, and she knew it belonged to Elena. Caroline sighed, "what?" she hissed back, "Pay attention! Or at least look like you are while you daydream about Tyler" Caroline stuck her tong out at her best friend. She hadn't been lying though, the story she told Bonnie & Elena about her rendezvous with Tyler was dramatically different from the original, to put it mildly; Tyler had loved her until she was numb with it, until her mind had been ringing with the loss of memories she didn't even care to regain and then when she was sure she couldn't live without him he left her, she hated him. At least she should have hated him. Instead she'd been having little flashbacks all day of their happier moments together she didn't know the guy who possessed her body last night and she wasn't sure she wanted too, he wasn't _her _Tyler but then again she was hardly the flawless Barbie she was in High school anymore.

She hated these damn functions that the original family's held, it was one thing to live in a town that put so much infuses on its history, but one who had monthly founder celebrations? It was more than a little ridiculous a member of each family was responsible for showing up, or the little gossip town of Mystic falls would surely talk.  
>Naturally she had to come alone; She'd allowed Matt to go and try on tuxes today because well—he wouldn't ever do it if not now, he hated the "wedding stuff" as he called it, and talked to her every night about eloping so he could get between her and her bikini on some under populated island in the Bahamas, she'd always laugh and brush him off. She loved Matt there was no question, but after last night there was no question that she loved Tyler too, something deep and dark in her new she couldn't run from her feelings for the dark haired man, he was beneath her skin, along her bones an ever prominent force in her being.<p>

All through college Caroline thought of Tyler, if he was okay alive. She had watched his life began to deteriorate around him and had been more than unable to watch it happen, but now when she thought of how she left him there after he'd practically begged her, she felt like queen bitch of the coldest ice berg, she'd single handedly been the tip that sent him hurtling down a dark path that turned him into the man he was when she met him last night. He said he needed her and even though she believed him, she left him high and dry, it was like her mother said; she couldn't commit, not from fear but from lack of know how.

Speaking of the sheriff, she was the other reason Caroline had to come to the function alone, uniquely uncomfortable in the tight red dress she'd picked out for the evening and more than a little off since her… _date _with Tyler the night before. Every time Matt sent her a cutesy text about how much he missed her and she answered with one of her own, it felt… forced it felt like a lie and as much as she had begun to lie lately this only made her feel worse. Marrying Matt was something that both petrified and excited her, she loved the man and wanted nothing more than to spend her life with him having little golden headed babies and moving into the perfect house but… that wasn't who she was; no matter what her family and friends believed.

Something _deep _and _dark _in Caroline was determined for more out of life, she wanted to travel, she didn't want someone safe, she needed someone who'd keep her on her toes she didn't want someone gentle, she needed someone passionate and most of all she wanted out of the body she felt trapped in. Playing the part of the ditzy-pretty-neurotic-southern sweetheart because she hadn't been that girl since High school, she was an adult now and while she was still neurotic and incredibly gorgeous she wasn't the Caroline Forbes mystic falls new.

Sometimes she thought that was the girl Matt wanted to marry.

"Ow!" she hissed at Elena, who pinched her thigh and pointed to a member of the fell family—some geezer with brown eyes and greying hair—as he took the stage, speaking his thanks to all the "beauties in the room" and giving Caroline a rash. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out, it was another text from Matt; _  
>Hey, family emergency my grandma is having a stroke, Care I've got to go and check on her I'm catching a flight to Texas as we speak.<br>I won't be back by tomorrow, we'll have to reschedule, and I'll call you with the deets. Also, I need a huge favor; a friend of mine is in the hospital for doing something stupid. Can you check on em?_ _Thanks, I love you babe  
><em>she frowned texting back,  
><em>Be safe, love you too 3<br>_She grabbed her purse more than a little happy to get to leave this stuffy arthritis brigade's get together, and though she'd never say it out loud, deep in the confines of her mind she was happy the wedding may be postponed.

It gave her time, time to finally close the chapter that she'd opened in high school with Tyler Lockwood, she would fix their relationship hopefully she could even get her best friend back, but If not she'd live without him, but she couldn't spend her life thinking about what she might have felt or done, and Tyler deserved so much better.  
>Elena stood at her side, frantically pushing things in her small red leather purse, "whoever you're going, I'm going to I'll be damned if I send another minute here" she smirked at the doe eyed girl, "I ought to make you stay as revenge for that pinch" the two girls rushed quietly to the back of the fancy ballroom, avoiding chairs and bodies until they were outside in the nights chilly air, "off to Mystic Falls ER we go"<p>

They weren't inside the hospital 3 minutes before she heard his voice, "I'm fine _seriously_" he was saying from a room down the hall.

She hadn't meant to check on him, she really had meant to pretend not to care, she didn't care. She so clearly could care less, in fact Tyler's health meant nothing to her because he was a dick, and rude and… a really hot dick, who was extremely sweet when he wanted to be, and she cared entirely too much, and like the wimp she was she left Elena at the front counter and rushed down the hallway in her stilettos until she found the room she could hear his voice coming from "would ya get off me? I'm fine I said!" she smirked. It was Definitely Tyler. She heard a sigh, and watched a small red head women emerge from the room shaking her head, "he always this difficult?" the women asked and Caroline laughed, "What are you talking about? That was his submissive side" taking a deep cowardly breath Caroline walked into the room.

Tyler sat leaned back on his arms on the cot, his shirt was on the bed beside him, his skin even paler then the night before, but it did nothing to his sex appeal his eyes grew wide as he saw her and he visibly swallowed a silence with an awkward ring settled over the room, and Caroline never one to beat around the bush spoke up "why'd you do it Tyler? Why did you do what you did and so… _passionately _and then leave? Was it revenge for me hurting you?" Tyler's eyes shut and he made a groaning noise, "yes Caroline, everything is about you. I couldn't have fucked you because I just wanted to fuck" Caroline bit her lip to keep from gasping; she'd dealt with this Tyler before this was defensive Tyler.

It meant she'd hit the hammer on the proverbial nail "that's it isn't it? Well? Did it make you feel better to hurt me?" he grumbled a "no" and crossed his arms over his chest "did you think it would?" Tyler's head snapped up an angry scowl painted on his face "I don't owe you shit, Caroline. I don't owe you an explanation for anything I do because you told me so very clearly all those years ago you wanted nothing to do with me, I made a mistake, let me get on with my life and so I can let you get on with yours, this shouldn't happen and you can't salvage what's broken I know that's why you're here, you're a fixer" he was quiet for a moment and she didn't have words to respond, when he spoke again his voice was much quieter "you can't fix us Care". She took a step closer putting her hand on the bare skin of his arm, his head snapped to where the flesh touched like she burned him "but Ty I want to try…" she whispered he looked up at her and the pain she saw in his eyes burned her so deep that she thought she could smell the cinders.

His eyes were dark and torturous as they looked into hers and she could only blame herself for the broken eyes of caramel gold that looked back at her, "what have you done to yourself" she began fighting tears. She never wanted to hurt him.

This was supposed to be good for both of them she was enabling him, and she thought if she was gone he'd be better off, get help… "it's none of your business Caroline. I'm fine and I'm leaving" he moved to stand but she clutched his arm, "Tyler please… d-do you hate me?" Tyler sighed and turned to her, he cupped her face gently in his cool hands, the gesture achingly sweet. She noticed his hands shook slightly, "angel I could never hate you, no matter how hard I try, and I've tried. It's not in me" he was so close that the warm scent of cinnamon wafted off and brushed her cheeks as he talked "I can't have you missing from my life… I tried that already" suddenly his face twisted with rage and she knew she'd hit a sore spot, he laughed darkly and snatched his hands from her, "are you fucking kidding me? You show up with this _heal the world _bullshit and expect me to open up to your embrace and pretend you didn't _fuck_ me over?" he shook his head, "get out of here Caroline, take your shitty half-assed apology with you, come back when you know a bit of the shit I've been through because I didn't have you. I needed you. I needed _you _Caroline."

This was only another of the thousands of reasons she and Tyler didn't work.

They were too close to being the same person they both felt with such passion and didn't know how to sugar coat, they rarely hid their emotions and words just came forth, they didn't ever regret and lived without abandon, but it was what ultimately would end them both, still rage swelled in her at his harsh words, she wouldn't sit here and take only accusations from him rather she wanted his forgiveness or not "hold on a minute!" she snarled, "I wouldn't have had to if you had gotten your shit together, how do you think I felt watching you destroy yourself the way you where? It was painful to me Tyler!" he moved across the room pressing their bodies together and leaning over, so that he was eye-level with her, his skin clammy and pale in the fluorescent—what was wrong with him? "No" he snarled "this won't turn into a pity party for you. You didn't want to watch? You didn't want to _watch! _How about I didn't want to _live _it Caroline, I was spiraling out of control and you were my rock, you were all I had and you kept me grounded, I know it's hard for you to believe—and trust me I know you well enough to know what your thinking—but you mean more to me than anything ever has" his words felt premature and she could tell by the way his face froze that he hadn't meant to say them.

Yet even as they were out in the air the feelings of regret over took her and she did what her body had been desperately begging her to do since she came into the room standing on her tippy toes she smashed her mouth onto his.

Euphoria exploded behind her eyes as _automatically _he opened for her and there tongs battled.

Neither of them did anything half-ass, and the kiss is no different immediately it became so intense that her knees gave out and Tyler had to hug her to him to keep her from falling, he kissed her repeatedly, sucking the breath from her lungs and trading it for his own, holding her so close she had no chance of escape—not that she'd even dream of losing this feeling.

His tong languidly stroked hers, and it was a wonder she still had bones to keep her standing he knotted his hands in her hair wrapping the strands around his fists, he cupped her ass never moving his lips from hers, the heat between their mouths; a blinding passion then that terrifying feeling in her stomach; the hunger like she's never felt other than when with him attacks her, and she's suddenly kissing Tyler_ harder_, biting his bottom lip and pulling on his lip ring, dragging it between her teeth until she tastes the sweet but bitter taste of blood, her nails are digging into his back; until she feels the crescent marks indenting in his skin.

Then he's lifting her, and she's so blinded by passion that she's forgotten where they are, wildly their bodies swing and she feels the cot against her back as he looms over her, his mouth never leaves hers and her teeth nash violently against his, neither of them care where they are anymore.

They forget what's happening and what has happened and only focus on the now; her fingers work frantically on Tyler's pants and pull his cock over the top of his boxers as soon as his pants drop to his ankles, she strokes him gently and he moans into her mouth, his hands work her dress up past her waist and then his fingers are too impatient to move her panties aside, she hears the fabric rip and then the hot filling sensation of his fingers inside of her, she's so wet that his fingers glide inside of her easily, stroking her roughly and hungrily until she can feel her orgasm budding.

Then a knock sounds on the door.

The passion-filled haze lifts and Tyler removes his hands from her core, licking them clean while his eyes glint deviously at her, she shakes her head and looks away pulling down her dress over her ruined panties the cool air of the hospital on her lady-parts more than a little bit exhilarating.

She feels that High School memories are the theme of the evening and this one is no different.

When she blushes as the door opens and Elena enters, her body still rising and falling with shallow breaths, Tyler takes one look at her and explodes in hearty laughter, his laughter is infectious and instantly Caroline is laughing too, and then there, there together laughing hysterically at the nameless joke that is there relationship in shambles around them, Elena stands there staring at them as if it's the Twilight Zone which only makes them laugh harder, until Caroline's breaths are to raged for her to keep standing and she falls against the caught with tears of laughter streaming down her cheeks.

At least at first there tears of laughter.

When the laughter subsides and the two of them look at each other, there's no laughter in Tyler's eyes. His are as broken—if not more so—when she looks at them. He grabs his shirt and slides it over his skin, then like before walks past her without a word and out the door—out from her life leaving her as disturbed as she's sure he felt that faithful day that ruined their lives.

Then when she cries she knows it's from pain, deep guttural sobs that rack her entire body, god she's fucked him up.  
>She's fucked herself.<p>

She's fucked them up.

She ruins everything she touches because she doesn't know how to do right, she doesn't know how to heal and help, only to destroy and ruin it's why she has a mother who thinks of her as a nuisance and a persona that demands that she pretend to be the idiot she feels she is.

She's half-aware of Elena wrapping her arms around her, of Elena guiding her out of the room and down the hall—people look at her with sympathy, she figures they think she lost someone and maybe she has; a few someone's. She cries the entire way her tears freeze against her cheeks when there outside and her body quivers from exhaustion—both emotionally and physically, and naturally the cold that nips at and underneath her skirt where her ripped panties still lay wrapped around her leg carelessly.

By the time she gets in the car, she feels hysterical, laughter bubbles in her stomach at the entire situation; at her panties, at how she feels, but the laughter doesn't survive not in a place bred by pain and before long she's crying for everything that's negative in her life; crying for Tyler, crying for herself, crying for Matt, and for the love she can no longer deny crying for the love she wishes she felt more of, and for the love she lacks, she cries for her fear of her own damn wedding and for how Matt would take it if he found out about her cheating on him only days before their wedding

And maybe most of all she cries for her weakness and her loss and when there's nothing left to cry out and she finds herself drifting off to the best sleep she's had in months.

**Well! This chapter was exhausting to write, so much emotion and it's a real pull on the heart strings ya know? Anyway there you are! 3 new chapters in a row, enjoy lovely's**

**As always: Review if you've got the time, if not? Read and Enjoy! **


	6. Sucker Punch

Chapter 6  
>Sucker Punch<p>

He walked until he saw familiar deep brown hair, and a petit frame turned away from him. He hadn't known what she wanted when she called, but he'd never tell her "no", maybe that was one of his many problems.

Tyler sat in the seat beside her and searched for the right words, "Elena… it's good to see you but, if this is about Caroline I—"she waved a hand at me and sipped her drink, she gave him one of those old smiles they used to share "Ty, this has nothing to do with that, is it so unbelievable that I'd miss you?" he shrugged—it was a loaded question "we weren't on the best terms when we graduated Lena" she mimicked his shrug, "it wasn't our feud, it was one between our families besides we know that at that time I barley had any family left" Tyler made a face "and that my dad was strung out?" Elena sighed and looked at him wearily, he only smirked in response "Lena you can say it, the man was a menace—to me more than anyone, I'm not glad he's dead but I'm glad he's no longer in my life".

He met Elena's eyes across the small silver disk shaped table they sat at, Elena Gilbert had been a part of the famed "trio" once High School had gotten fired up, she hadn't had time for him or anyone else when Caroline or Bonnie needed her and because of that there relationships suffered…. But before Caroline and before Bonnie and her relationship with Matt—which he hadn't even known about then, since apparently it had been cut short painfully—there was him, they had been the closest of friends in Middle School, and before and so forth he'd seen Elena in nothing but her underwear and a swimming tube and she'd seen him in even less, they were childhood friends and when their families got along both busy body mothers had been planning to have the two become the ideal family.

That was of course before Grayson and Miranda died. The Gilberts had suffered a tremendous loss and The Lockwood's had been there, they _had_ been there until John Gilbert came back to town for Elena.

Tyler remembered the rather cruel man… he was hard to forget, his nearly black hair and like eyes, cold face and pinched mouth; before John… Tyler had loved Elena, he could say it now because he no longer felt those things but—well platonically of course—he had not hated the idea of marrying her and there had been that summer…  
>When he met her eyes she was smiling softly at him, "you remembering it too huh?" he smiled back at her and it was a genuine one "best of my life to this day" he said proudly.<p>

He reached across the table and grabbed her beer bringing it to his lips, she playfully narrowed he eyes "you always were obnoxious" he swallowed and laughed, "Yeah well… when one grows they don't lose _all _redeeming qualities" she laughed too "do you remember that summer, I mean really remember?" his eyes softened "of course I do Elena, it held one of the most terrifying nights of my life, I was the worst type of virgin" at that Elena laughed loudly, putting a hand over her heart. He tried to frown at her, but ended up grinning all the same "Ty, you were freaking 15! What 15 year old is that confident about sex?" he shrugged "clearly not Tyler Lockwood" she patted his hand across the table "yeah well. I wasn't any better; remember how I made you leave your pants on because I didn't want to see it?" Tyler's grin burst into loud barks of laughter and soon they were both laughing—the tension of the initial meeting evaporating into the air, the atmosphere around them crackling with the joy and chemistry that they had once shared and for Elena it was just what she had been hoping for, Tyler may not look the same—and that was only because he had grown even more handsome and had a fight with a piercing gun—but he was still Tyler, still the same boy.

When the laughter had stopped they stared at each other, her hand still covered his and he turned it over to fold his fingers over hers, "where did you go Lena?" he asked seriously.

She frowned, she had regretted losing him, it was in her top 5 things to regret: Elena regretted more then she could word, but it had been so easy when she was in High school and then there had been what he created with Caroline, sure for them it looked fine but Elena could see it would hurt them both—they were much to the same, but they were both her best-friends and when they were together they nearly radiated.

Maybe Elena had been bitter… she had liked—well, loved Tyler, she had been in love with him it had been a web of mutilated feelings when they were younger she'd watched him grow up from a slightly awkward charming and wild boy to a man with all the same qualities—hold the awkward, "Tyler… after John my life changed dramatically, I was trying to get used to the idea of him being my father after years with Grayson and I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was going through things and I knew you had your own problems, not to mention—well I knew your family hated John, I thought maybe you'd come to hate me, I guess I was scared of what you might say and what I felt" at that he squeezed her hand and raised a pierced brow "I guess you didn't know I had loved you then huh?", she looked up at him with wide eyes "loved me? You?" he nodded still smiling softly "ah'course, Lena come on your gorgeous and I watched you go from this petit little whisper to a vibrant voice but I knew I didn't have a chance with you, not to mention our friendship… we were like brother and sister—I'm freaky but not that freaky" she laughed and nodded moving her other hand to cup his bigger one "yeah well I loved you too, go figure" at that Tyler's pierced brows shot into his mass of tumbling dark hair, "but, in high school—" she shook her head, "Caroline. The two of you were inseparable then, you know? I had to get over you and so I guess I created distance between us accidently" his eyes darkened but they also softened, "I—I had no clue, I wouldn't have flaunted my happiness—"she shook her head grinning now, "Tyler Lockwood is that remorse I hear?" he frowned "Lena…" she pushed herself out of her seat and leaned forward cupping his cheek.

She expected him to react this way "Ty, it's okay. I realize now that I'm older that I didn't want to see you hurt, I was jealous because I missed you not because I loved you, I had only been friends with Caroline a short time and I knew her rep with boys, I was worried she'd hurt you" _too late for that _he thought but stayed quiet.

They hadn't been sergeant brother and sister for no reason though, she'd seen it flicker over his eyes and sat back in her chair still clutching his fingers in hers, "she means well…" she started, Tyler sighed and pulled his hand away "Lena…" the last thing he wanted was to discuss Caroline, "don't you warning growl at me" she said sipping her beer.

He tried to hide his smile but failed, "I don't wanna talk about her, its…" she put her now empty beer down and rolled her eyes "—complicated" she said at the at the same time he did, "been there done that" he frowned and she continued "I'm no wise, wonder but I know for a fact that you and Caroline are to alike, it's no wonder you two clash like you do, but since It's a touchy subject we won't talk about, let's do something; have some fun" his somber frown turned into a suggestive grin "oh yeah? What'd you have in mind gilbert?" she moved to stand, "let's go out" she said grinning and for a moment she looked like the Elena she was in High school, the carefree girl who didn't even know the word inhibition, before john, before everything he had thought Elena was never more beautiful than when she looked the way she did now, grinning, eyes bright—he'd always think that, even if now the thoughts didn't necessarily bring the ol' tightness in his pants.

He stood up and took her hand, and the two of them raced out of the bar like the kids they use to be, they had a reputation as kids, they left trouble in their wake no matter where they were, and Tyler thought that shouldn't have to change just because they were older, he was suddenly glad she'd called him out, glad for her in general.

He'd been more than a bit off, after the whatcha-ma-call-it he and Caroline had, had in the hospital room the other day, he hadn't been able to make himself forget the way she kissed him, the way she let him kiss her, that couldn't have been the same women getting married—could it? No. he wouldn't let his thoughts go there regardless of how he might feel, he knew it though, known it the instant he saw her in the club that night—she didn't want to get married to the guy, Tyler didn't know who he was but he instantly felt sorry for him.

. . .

Tyler chugged back his 8th shot of the night, grinning wildly at the woozy girl across from him, "chalk em up Gilbert, that's 8!" the girl in question grinned back and waved a dismissive hand, "8? That's nothing member that time, in your room, on Carol's birthday" he laughed and moved a hand through his hair, "how could I forget, you were a tequila shot away from the stomach pump" Elena nodded earnestly, "time for a blast from the past" she smirked before taking back her 5th shot of the night.

The two of them had only been at the club for an hour, but they were already what Tyler called; shit-faced, Tyler's vision was blurry at best and Elena could only make out shapes and colors—she was always a lightweight even if she didn't know how to stop once she started.

The two of them had engaged in a drinking game of sorts and had gotten the whole club involved, server girls and couples had gathered to watch the two go at it with the tiny shot glasses—they were the life of the party and yet it was as if they were the only two there, it was just like old times. There was no Gilbert v. Lockwood feud, no Caroline, no school, no drugs and maybe best of all no inhibitions—they were happy, and it was a feeling Tyler missed "you wanna get out of here?" he asked before he knew exactly what the words meant.

His mind was a mass of haze and influence, and maybe—just maybe this was what clarity felt like, he knew Elena better then he knew himself, this was the girl that made him a man after all, she held something that no other girl could have of his, maybe that meant something more than a lifelong friendship he was ready to find out—it was time to let Caroline go, her heart belonged to someone else even if she lied to herself with the notion alone, she'd have to figure that out herself and Tyler didn't have the heart to stand by while she did it, he'd never truly be happy without her but then again he'd never been truly happy. Elena made him smile. It was a start that was sure to lead to a happy finish, maybe the one he needed to fix the mess he'd fallen into, "sure" she said smiling, "but were taking a cab, your blitzed" she giggled and he grinned "say that while walking a straight line, lady 6 inch" at that she laughed and the two of them stood up on shaky legs and loose knees.

To anyone who didn't know them, they were a happy couple, Tyler's hand cupped hers and their fingers hooked, the smiles didn't stop and the laughter only followed they walked the streets outside, breathing the night air and seething with something that they could only say they shared when they were together, people stopped and smiled because it was contagious; the night showed that the two of them hadn't missed a beat.

Almost 3 years and nothing had changed they fit in way that he and Caroline could never fit—he and Caroline where a broken puzzle, they were that game board that you forced the pieces into when you got to irritated with how they didn't fit, he and Elena where the ideal game pieces, they were your money's worth; the pieces fit where they were supposed to and it was easy. That was just it he and Elena where _easy. _

They stumbled through his apartment doors at 3am, Elena's teasing voice carried over the dark and cool loft, "it figures your house looks like this, you never change" he frowned at her and she only laughed harder.

It was 4am when the dup stumbled upon a half-gone bottle of bourbon in Tyler's bedroom, next to a deck of cards and going with the theme of the evening, ended up starting a game of strip poker—it was ultimately the final lock on the door that was them, inhibition had long since been let go, and Tyler and Elena realized that maybe they both needed this, maybe they needed to see where being together would lead, the chance to be something more had been snatched from under them when they were younger they were never given the chance to grow and because of it both of them might have suffered heartbreak that was unnecessary.

It was 5am, when Elena had gotten Tyler down to his boxers and socks, and he had gotten her down to a blanket he'd lent her and her lace panties "you suck at this game" he teased rolling his tong ring between his lips and his teeth, Elena grinned "alright, since your such a pro, the next person to win the hand has to lose it all, full blown nudity" Tyler's grin was all sin "your funeral doll-face" Tyler tossed his deck of cards down on the hardwood floor they sat on, shooting his arms into the air "eat it gilbert, lets so those lady parts" she imitated his earlier grin and tossed her cards out over his, "I think not Lockwood, lose the tighty-whiteys" he blanched when he saw her flush and frowned "you where bluffing" she shrugged, "I'm drunk, but I'm not a slouch in anything—including cards" he frowned but stood, "I think you wanted to make up for old times" at that she laughed. Tyler shivered at the way it sounded—it wasn't good natured like the ones they'd shared throughout the night, there was lust there—lust that was for him, and he couldn't deny apart of him responded.

He also couldn't deny that he wished that another person was the one sitting here with him tonight.

He shucked his boxers down around his ankles in one swoop and kicked them off his ankles lazily, "you wanted em, take em" he tossed his discarded boxer-briefs at Elena who caught them mid laugh, and brushed her tong, "Ew gross oh god!" Tyler's slurred laughter boomed in the room.

Something passed between them, and in the next instant he was kissing her.

It was sloppy to say the least, but it didn't dull the initial desire, Tyler swept his tong into her mouth and Elena ran her fingers through his hair and it was something so long awaited that they just had to wait for the fireworks—but they never came, he kissed her languidly and slow gently sucking her lip into his mouth and moving her onto her back, bringing his muscular body between her thighs—but there was nothing.

He moved his lips from hers and for a moment they just stared at each other, her hands still tangled in her hair and his eyes still looked into hers with more tender admiration then they'd ever shown—even with Caroline, but there was no love there, there was no passion—how could there be for to people whom where never meant to find love together.

"It was worth a try huh?" she began, Tyler sighed he didn't roll off of her, instead he folded his hand in hers "I wanted it to be you. I wanted to love you—I mean I do, but I wanted to give you me, I—but I was stupid Elena, I don't even—I'm not, it's not mine to give anymore, she's had it, she's had it for so long that maybe I forgot" Elena smiled softly and patted his cheek.

She felt for him, both of the people involved held a piece of her heart and she'd seen Caroline cry over her relationship with Tyler, but she knew Caroline and the girl was strong—stronger even so then Tyler.

Deep down, he was the sweetest boy she'd ever met, he had the biggest heart and if he let you in, you'd see a side of him she could only describe as tender and it was a part of him she wished the world saw and she blamed his father for why _that_ Tyler was buried so deep down. When his face faltered and his eyes showed broken orbs of diluted brown, she hugged him to her and kissed his forehead "I know" that was all she could say.

He was screwed. The night had been a test; it was one he'd failed. He was damned now, she was the last thing he had, the last life reserve and his final hope but she wasn't his—couldn't be because he couldn't be hers, and now he knew his fate—he was destined to drown from the very beginning the shocking realization was that Tyler Lockwood loved Caroline Forbes through and through and would never feel that love in return.

A friendly sucker punch from reality had made the night one he'd never forget for a reason he wished he'd never remember.

**This chapter was rather fun to write, I wanted to do something unexpected—I hope you guys weren't expecting this? Either way, I wanted to build this friendship between he and Elena, it's for future reasons you'll have to stay tuned to find out about, it was a lot different from the vibe of the story and that was on purpose since I've been kinda heavy on the dark lately. The next chapter is a bit of a biggie; some things happen that are pretty important and Tyler has to make a decision. Which we know by now that he's terrible at, ANYWAY! Stay tuned bbys.**

**And as always, review if you've got the time, if not read and enjoy! **


	7. Taylor Made

Chapter 6  
>Taylor Made<p>

_"Were over, get the fuck out of my face!" those where the last words she heard Stefan say before he slammed his locker door so hard her teeth chattered, and stormed off down the hallways.  
>She couldn't help but feel like the entire thing was her fault. <em>

_Everything was always her fault though, maybe she just wasn't meant to be happy? Maybe she should be like the rest of the girls at this shitty school, she already had the blonde hair down—all she needed now were brainless eyes, a flirty smile and legs that spread of their own accord. After all she knew where Stefan was headed, she'd known he'd been there the entire time they were dating and that was between the legs of a blonde who had all those qualities Rebekah Druid._

_Caroline hated that tramp and all girls like her, but she didn't hate them because they were sluts, or extremely rude or even because girls like her where the reason Caroline had lost a boyfriend today—truth be told she and Stefan weren't meant to be anyways, he was no knight in shining armor—but because they had something she would never poses and that was the ability to be free of inhibitions. _

_Sure they did these things for the same reasons Caroline lived a sheltered if not lacking life—they lacked the self-esteem—but they did them full own, and they lived life to its fullest, they let go of the worries of tomorrow and focused on today when today came.  
>She wiped her tears and made a silent promise to herself as she bent over to pick up the books Stefan had knocked onto the floor; she'd be different in High school. <em>

_No one would recognize her when she came back from for her freshman year, she'd live life like Rebekah even if a part of her died in the process._

1 year & ½ later

_"Chug! Chug! Chug!" Caroline tilted her head back until she'd exhausted the entire cup, and then tossed the plastic aside screaming into the chilly night air, the circle of teens screamed with her, as laugher and applause sounded around the circle, "wait a go babe" a voice from behind her said proudly, it belonged to her boyfriend Stefan Salvatore. _

_She was dizzy on her feet, as his hands wrapped around her waist from behind and laced kisses up her neck and into her hair, "wanna go talk somewhere?", a part of her—a part she'd long sense spurned—whispered how bad an idea this all was, she didn't love Stefan, she didn't even really like the Handsome boy anymore, he was for show._

_This new life of hers was all for show. _

_Did it even matter if she gave herself to Stefan? He obviously wanted her—it was evident by the sloppy kisses he kept lacing along her skin—and what negative would come from it? If anything she'd only be liked more, the boys would say she was a good time, the girls would envy her as she had when she was younger… but something about it brought a sick feeling to her stomach. Still she nodded against his mouth, and the two drunkenly wandered away from the bonfire and the screaming partygoers._

_She held Stefan's hand, even though it felt like she held stone, his grip was vice and she knew he had no intentions of letting her go now, he'd wanted her to give it up when they'd dated all those years ago in middle school, but she'd been stupid then, she didn't know that she was supposed to grow up, she thought life would do it for her, that day after school when he'd dumped her, made her feel lower then dirt, made her feel stupid and childish… she'd realized she had to do it herself, had to let go of the girl who was sure that she'd be a success and look at the one with the broken family; the girl with a mother so destroyed by her divorce that she'd forgotten she had a daughter and the father who never acknowledged he even had been married let alone a father, that family didn't breed a successful CEO, of a company all her minds invention, it bred what she'd become. A broken girl. Stefan led her further and further into the brush, until the firelight of the party disappeared and she could see only the green of his eyes and soft pink of his lips, then his mouth was on hers, her back against a tree. Caroline felt dead. The sensations weren't real to her body._

_She wanted it to be over before it began; she hopped the rumors about Stefan were true—rumors that stated he was a 5 second fair ride—because she wanted this to be over. _

_Wanted to push it in her secret box of memories to never be remembered, forget it all, pretend she was a virgin, pretend she had a family that loved her, and a future._

_Then suddenly Stefan's mouth left hers, she heard him shot a "what the hell!" and then there was scuffling and she heard boyish grunts and then a thud, followed by scuffling boots and the sound of running, "you better get the fuck out of here Salvatore" a rough voice droned. When she was able to make out the boyish frame in the darkness she knew those wide shoulders instantly, "Tyler…" she whispered a bit strained, he turned around and looked her directly in the eyes, his caramel gaze laced with rage and compassion, "Caroline… what—what where you doing with that ass? Don't you remember what he did to you? said to you?" she gulped and tried to look pissed that he'd ruined her night, "I don't get what you mean Lockwood, but I do get this, you ruined my fucking night now move on while I'm still buzzed" Tyler's eye brows raised and he smirked softly, "Caroline Forbes… what will you say next? Got a beach house in Hawaii with my name on it?" Caroline's façade faltered, "just scram Tyler" she said exasperatedly as her body sagged down the tree, Tyler sat across from her, stretching his long legs so that they sat on either side of her body and she was effectively caged in "if I do, will you pretend you like me at school tomorrow?" he offered her a smirk and she sagged even further down, he sighed "I'm sorry. I'm a dick, sometimes it's hard to turn it off when necessary" that made her smile, and he smiled genuinely in response "there we go" he leaned in closer to her and placed a warm finger under her chin to lift it, "Stefan Salvatore is a prick.  
>He's cocky for absolutely no reason, and why you'd spend your time with him is laughable Caroline, your beautiful, agonizingly sweet and adorable, and way too good to be at a place like this with an ass-hat like him" she snatched her chin away from his gentle grip, his words already warming the ice around her heart, "what do you know about me Tyler Lockwood?" he smiled sadly at her, "I know that this girl isn't you. I know this is what you wish you were, wish you could live life without inhibitions, life it not caring about your future, or what people will think or say, wish that there was someone for you—to notice you, to be there for you, something or someone to fill that hollow ache inside of you. Oh I know a lot Caroline Forbes, I know a lot about you and I know that were the; Exact. Same. Person." For a moment Caroline just stared at him, stared at the perfect planes of his face, his soft jaw line, his long lashes and soft mouth, and then she was crying. <em>

_Crying because… well because who was this boy? Tyler Lockwood had talked to her maybe all of twice in the last maybe 15 years of her life that they were in the same class almost every year from kindergarten to high school, he'd maybe looked at her once, maybe said anything that wasn't "watch out" or "s'cuse me" and now he was here giving her a cruel and hard look at the girl she was, in the form of himself. _

_How could he know these things about her? She'd never told him, she'd never told anyone but certainly not Tyler Lockwood, he was rude, inconsiderate, a dick, cocky, arrogant, heartless and more of a womanizing prick then Stefan ever could hope to be and yet he was here with the softest most sincere eyes and smile on his face as he gazed at her with something like…affection? He pulled her closer, so that she practically straddled him, her legs on either side of his, her face buried into his neck. _

_She cried for the years that she wished she had cried, for all the times she did thing she didn't want to do and most of all because she'd lost apart of herself that she could never get back, time in her life that she'd wasted trying to please the world around her, and she cried because this was her life now. _

_She'd been so focused on staying together, petrified by the fear of breaking like her parents, like their relationship, like their lives like all the things that ever mattered to her, so afraid. She'd forgotten to live her life, and in forgetting she'd cracked down the middle, she was a broken mirror, the curse of 7 years was nothing compared to what she'd done to the person she used to be._

_Tyler held her tightly while her lithe frame shook in his arms, he knew this feeling, he felt it every day of his reeking life, he knew he'd hurt her bad tonight but he also knew she needed to hear it from someone that she hated already, maybe she could use her hate for him to fuel her to be better, maybe then she would be_ Caroline_ again, the one he'd liked the instant he saw her, her bouncy blonde curls, her honest smile and her peppy persona, and let go of the broken girl rocking in his arms._

_He kissed the top of her head and murmured words of affection for her, he'd never expected to be doing this himself, he didn't expect Salvatore to do it—that was for sure—but Tyler was more of a fuck-up then this princess could ever be, where she thought her life was ruined his truly was, where she pictured a fucked up future, his was set in stone and where she imagined the loveless-ness in her parents eyes, he was positive every bit of it was genuine in his own.  
>So in away maybe she was crying for both of them, either way he wouldn't let her go, tonight he'd be a good person, the person he prayed he'd become, there was still a little good left in him. <em>

_Jack Daniels hadn't killed him yet, neither had Richard Lockwood. Sighing, he gripped Caroline tight and stood, lifting her into his arms bridal style, she tucked her face into his pule and her tangled hair tickled his jaw, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he walked them forward out of the pulsing darkness of the wood and back to his jeep, Vicki could find her own way home. _

_He had a sinking suspicion she was half way to heaven on some guy's dick right about now anyway. Maybe he'd be sweet enough to get her high enough to think she'd never left. _

_He shuffled Caroline's form into the passenger seat of his jeep and closed the door, climbing into the driver's seat he looked over at her to see she was asleep her frame tucked into itself, her chest falling and rising, she looked so beautiful, the moonlight kissing her face, her lips red and pouty, it physically hurt him to know she wasn't _his.

_The things he felt for her, wanted to do to her… to the least they didn't fit the persona of the guy he was attempting to be tonight, and where along the lines of things he could get into serious trouble for doing in certain states, he'd always liked her, she was like his sunshine. They weren't close and they never even talked, but she was the brightest thing in his world, she exuded happiness he wished he could touch and a sense of something foreign to him, but then there was Salvatore, he'd broken her and turned into another droning cheerleader to low on herself to recognize when she was a walking jack-off hand instead of an actual person with feelings, he couldn't fucking stand to see that happen to Caroline, she was too good for that to stinking good for Mystic Falls. _

_Too good for him. Anybody who didn't recognize that was stupider then the town insinuated on first glance, she would make something of herself and she'd remember sooner rather than later that she was queen of this place, and we were her subjects. _

_She just needed a push in the right direction. So tonight he'd opted to be the good guy. Tonight rather it was what he wished for her or not, he'd respect the fact that she and Salvatore were dating, but he'd make sure that by the time she left his side she'd know she was too good for him, and whatever shit he had in mind._

_ When she woke up, she was under a warm blanket and in a house she didn't recognize. It was huge she noted for starters, but there was a draft like she expected, warmth swam around her, and even the blanket was a bit stuffy, it was decorated beautifully with old charm and art and on a table across from the brown leather couch she lay on was a small glass frame with a picture inside of the Lockwood family, a smiling Richard, beside a smiling Carol and a frowning Tyler, his eyes avoiding the camera, his posture tense as his father cupped his shoulder. She was in the Lockwood manner? But how—then she remembered the nights previous developments, Stefan had tried to have sex with her—she was prepared to let him—but then he'd just stopped, and Tyler was there, he'd chased him off and then he'd talked to her, _"Oh I know a lot Caroline Forbes, I know a lot about you and I know that were the; Exact. Same. Person." _The words were still fresh in her mind, and so was the feeling of being wrapped up tight against his frame, the warmth of his body radiating, like a generator.  
>She stood letting the blanket fall and pool around her bare feet—he'd taken her shoes off too?—the gesture made her smile softly. <em>

_She knew she should be leaving, she didn't do anything to deserve his kindness which meant it wasn't kindness at all, Tyler wasn't the type of boy to help wandering damsels have heart-wrenching epiphany's and then let them on their Mary way to help society, he probably expected her to sleep with him. _

_When the image of them in bed together fogged her mind, she couldn't help but acknowledge the way her body responded immediately, his muscled body thrusting against hers, for a moment the possibility made her legs weak, but she quickly snapped herself out of it.  
><em>You don't know this guy, and you're not that girl anymore, you left her in the forest tonight.  
><em>She told herself, she knew it'd be hard to let go of the persona that had helped her survive freshman year of high school but she also knew that it was the wrong way; she had to be strong if not for anyone else then for herself. She didn't know how she came to this conclusion with an impossibly hot dark-haired ass-hole in a freezing forest, but she did know she owed him some type of show of affection in the form of a thank you, if even it was a gentle smile.<em>

_She wandered back over to the sofa and picked up her heels where they lay on the floor, she was just about to slide her foot in when a voice behind her frightened her into dropping them, "sorry I didn't meant you scare you" he drawled holding up his hands. She stared wide-eyed at him, he was only wearing a pair of low riding shorts, his tan skin was damp and his hair was tousled with drying water as if he'd just showered Caroline tried her best not to eye the way his muscles moved as he folded his arms over that mouthwatering chest "so. This is the part where I ask again _"don't you remember what Stefan said to you? Did to you? what where you doing with him Care?" _his voice was extremely soft as he reminded her of why she had ended up here, she sighed deciding she owed him this much, "many reasons. None at all… I guess… I guess I thought I didn't deserve any better "Tyler hardened noticeably, his entire body pinching and his jaw clenching—which was so sexy that she had to think about Rosie O'Donnell like Elena had told her to focus on the moment at hand—when he spoke it was in a low voice, "why would you think that?" she looked at him with shaky green eyes "oh I don't know" she said flippantly, "maybe because its true?" Tyler moved to sit beside her, the heat of his body suffocating in the best way possible, "no. it's not true, nothing about that statement is even in the same galaxy of true, Caroline" she shook her head sighing, "look Tyler, I get it. You're right and I'm going to try and be better but… you're not going to convince me of my self-worth when you so obviously don't have any, being a hypocrite doesn't suit you" at first he looked at her with a look of pure shock on his face, then his eyes gradually softened and he smiled genuinely at her, "there she is"._

_The two of them sat in silence for a while, before Tyler offered to put on a shirt—she was moderately disappointed—but when he returned he handed her the remote and asked if she wanted to watch TV for a while before he took her home. _

_After the night she had she needed a simple gesture like this one and gladly accepted. _

_They laughed and Tyler teased her as she watched enrapt with the ordeals of the teens on One Tree Hill, and before long it was like she'd known Tyler her whole life, there was an easy comfort about the boy with the husky laugh and honey eyes that she couldn't let pass. _

_She'd misjudged him, just like it was so easy to misjudge her. _

_She couldn't blame this connection on alcohol, no, something about him called to her. She knew it was the same for him. When he finally rose to drive her home, she hadn't been ready to go; something about being with him had disarmed her to the point where she felt she couldn't leave, and she didn't have too. They both went to open the door and where amazed with the snowy wonderland that had seemed to have fallen in hours, it covered the streets in white fluff, and the sidewalks seemed like a thing of the past, there were big BLOCKED signs in the street outside—which wasn't unusual in a small town like mystic falls—and one look at Tyler told her she was stuck there for the night. _

_He nodded to himself and then shut the door turning to look at her he said "my bedroom's the third room on the right" she stared at him incredulously, "you're sleeping on the couch? Tyler I can't—"he waved a hand, "you think I'm letting you sleep on the couch? It smells like ass, besides If you haven't noticed this place is huge, I can take a spare room" she laughed, and he smiled "I'm not sure your bed smells any better" she teased and his eyes narrowed "oh yeah? Well you're gonna find out princess"he lifted her up before she could protest, and then he was sprinting with her body draped over his shoulder screaming.  
>She couldn't remember the last time she'd been happy. <em>

_She couldn't remember the last time she'd genuinely smiled, and she knew for a fact that she'd never met someone like Tyler, someone so like herself, it seemed like this night had been written up in someone's story, and they were now whispering to themselves _"it's always darkest before dawn" _as if they earned the right to be proud of themselves for this moment as if the moment had already been decided by the fates. _

_Nothing in her life had ever been so good._

_Tyler deposited her on the bed with a thud, and grabbing a pillow playfully smacked her in the face, "what's it smell like?" she laughed and kicked at him "like failure" she thought she saw him flinch and cursed silently, but then he was smiling again as he tackled her, "I'll show you failure" he growled. It was only a moment.  
>Only one night, that was all it took to build whatever what was between to people that had never met, but it seemed like they'd known each other for ever, like a glass wall had between them, and only the ultimate despair could finally break it, she was sure of this when he kissed her. The kiss was soft, gentle, sweet and it blew her away. Her entire soul ignited with light, and she immediately wanted more she was drowning in the sensation and before long his mouth was on hers with passion, kissing her harder, demanding she open for his tong his hands clutching at her waist. <em>

_She felt like raw fire, free and unharnessed, wild against his touch as if she'd been waiting for this moment and with it finally here, she could break apart with the knowledge that he'd put her back together, he licked at her jaw and her chin, her pulse; nibbling and nipping when appropriate, then biting at her lips as he dived back into kiss her and her mind was a blank slate, lost to this boy who seemed to know her body better than she did. _

_Then suddenly he stopped, he pulled away from her and scrambled from the bed, shaking his head "oh-no, no, no I'm sorry I—ugh, I'm gonna go goodnight" he said and turned to leave "Tyler—"she called after him, but he slammed the door to his bedroom and was gone._

_She sighed and shut her eyes hoping sleep will take her before death does, and when it finally claims her she's sure that her life is even more complicated than before Tyler Lockwood walked into it and not because he's there to make it worse, but because she knows without a shadow of a doubt that Tyler Lockwood is going to be her salvation._

**This is specifically for the bulk of you guys who keep telling me how much you love the flashbacks—I definitely listen when you make requests, I'm just a bit slow on the uptake~ Anyhow, there's that hope you enjoyed seeing Tyler being that big ol' teddy bear sweet heart you've heard so much about, things are gonna get bumpy real soon so revel in the cutesy wootsey ;) and as always read and review if you've got the time, if not? ENJOY.**


	8. The Art of Failure

Chapter 8  
>The Art of Failure<p>

Caroline moved seamlessly down the hall of her small 2 bedroom, the smell of breakfast already saturating the apartment. She squeezed her eyes shut in a failing attempt to silence the sickness that came with an emotional rollercoaster induced hangover.

After seeing Tyler at the hospital she'd come home, a teary eyed-leaky-mascara-mess and drowned her sorrows in every bottle shaped object that her blurry eyes spotted, was it a healthy medication? Perhaps not, but it was effective.

It naturally didn't help that Daisy Everson was the most disagreeable women Caroline had ever met; the older women was currently screaming into her ear from the other side of the line with so much force, that Caroline's patience was now as small as the grinches heart—pre Cindy Who—she stormed into the kitchen and past Elena who sat calmly in a chair at their small wooden table, she held up a cup of Caroline's favorite tea—she didn't drink coffee it was for losers—and gave her a teasing smile, "yes and I understand that Ms. Everson however—" Caroline was cut off for the third time by the 43 year olds snarky voice.

Daisy was very beautiful for her age; all auburn hair, green eyes and artificial tits so perfectly done you'd think they were gods favorite gifts, and she was preparing to marry for her 3rd time, naturally she wanted the best for the ordeal hopping that this would be her final performance on the stage of matrimony, naturally she'd come to Caroline.

After all she prided herself in being the best wedding planner in the entire south, and no one would dare disagree, even if the job had fallen into her lap, where it clearly wasn't wanted. She could remember it perfectly clear, this was of course when she and Matt had started dating, she and her medaling ways—she'd taken it upon herself to make sure that his sister—Vicki—had the best wedding that the Donovan pinch fund could buy, and when the final product wow'd everyone from Mystic Falls to Tokyo, her husband—the darling man that he was—had taken it upon himself to make a call to his sisters new husband Trevor, and official bff to her hubby to be, asking if he could find something for his lady, Trevor still glowing about the successes of his wedding was only too happy to oblige and found the perfect place for his future in-law, in the wedding planning business.

Regardless of her _very _evident protest. She'd been doing it for 3 years now and found that even though she detested it, she found she also kind of sort of like it too, Caroline loved control rather she chose to admit it or not and for her to hold the single most important day in a women's life in her hands each time they picked up the phone and called her made her feel… wanted.

So of course she delved into the new job, quickly becoming the top of the tippy top at Roses & Lilies Inc. and with a little help from her ruthless CEO brother in law, she made quick work of the cooperation and now ran it as her own, renamed and rebooted as Forbes & Veils where she was simply known as Caroline Forbes: Best in The South.

Things of course had been no different than with any other client when Ms. Everson had come in to visit Caroline and then the women even seemed sweet.

Now she was beginning to see why Daisy was marrying for the third time.

The women was stuffy, narcissistic and stubborn like a mule, when Caroline suggested one color she seemed to be opposed just to be difficult, and when Caroline promised they were out of one type of something, the women made it known she would accept no less and so relentless morning after relentless morning all throughout the lovely month of February—also the month of Tyler's birthday coincidentally, not that it was worth mentioning—waking up for 7am conference calls about why "this color" wasn't going to work, while she looked over out over the small town of Mystic falls in her cute little apartment with her roommate acting as chef lena'r-d.

Sighing she waited for the women to be finished when she spoke, "look Daisy, it's entirely too late in the game for you to be a fickle bitch" Daisy gasped on the other end but Caroline found her ability to care suspiciously absent, "now suck it up, sweetheart you're getting married. Where going with the lilac drapes, because they match you're bouquet, you will dance to the song you originally chose and the cake will be triple layer with _golden _frosting, it will be fantastic, gorgeous and this one _will_ stick; now you have an enchanting day gorgeous" with that Caroline hung up the phone and nearly collapsed into the seat across from her best friend who stared at her incredulously, "what?" Caroline smirked "I'm not the best because I try and be there friends" Elena laughed, covering her mouth as she chewed, "have I told you, I love you lately?" Caroline moved a hand through her hair, "the way I've been feeling I think I could stand to hear it a hell of a lot more" the doe eyed girl gave her a sympathetic smile "he'll come around Care. You know Tyler" she shook her head.

That was why she knew he wouldn't. Tyler would hold this—this resentment for what she did to him until he left this world, she knew from experience that it was easy to burn certain bridges with Tyler and one so close to his heart should have bared the sigh _**highly flammable, leave **_**all**_** flammable objects at the start **_it had taken an entire 2 years for him to let her in and in an hour she had effectively shut that door nearly 5 years ago.

God it felt like an eternity. Caroline turned in her chair sipping her tea and smiling at her friend for adding the aspirin in, "but that's not what's so terrible about this. I care about Tyler, you know I do, but I'm not supposed too, I'm getting married Elena and it's not to Tyler, it's to an amazing sweet-heart of a guy who taped me back together after high school, and it's to a boy whose going through a lot right now with his grandma on her deathbed and where am I? At home fucking some stripper" Elena sighed and shook her head softly, "it sounds like an episode of 90210 doesn't it?" Caroline looked at her incredulously and the girls both blurt into laughter, tears gathering at the corners of their eyes, "sometimes I require you're rather crude humor, where were you last night when I stumbled into the arms of Jack Daniels?" Elena's smile faltered and she twisted a strand around her finger—universal Elena-talk for _"you see what had happened was…" _"I… was with Tyler" at that Caroline choked in a very un-lady like manner on her tea, "you—what?" Elena sighed and sat her cup down, "before you get mad… before you and Bonnie he was all I had Caroline, I'm your friend but I'm his too, and you two seeing each other again has been no easier on him then it has on you, he needed to have a little fun before he started spiraling again—the signs are there, did you see how pale he looked? " Caroline sighed, she knew of Elena and Tyler's childhood friendship and knew that the other girl cared for him deeply—she just wished that she didn't.

She tapped her chest lightly to get rid of the choking sensation caught in her throat, "so what'd you guys do?" Elena's smile returned, "We had a great time you know? We went out, and got wrecked and we went back to his house and got even drunker, I'm seriously surprised you didn't get a call from Mystic Falls ER this morning" Caroline smirked, "well Tyler's got great stamina" she realized the double meaning after Elena waggled her eye brows, and forced Caroline to frown "that was all? I wasted a perfectly good bitch-fit for that?" Elena nodded, her eyes looking at the window and everywhere else but Caroline's face, "if I'd done something like that to you, Bonnie would have called me a slut"

Caroline said through shaky laughter. It only took a moment for the new arrivals voice to drift into the apartment, "Bonnie _is_ here, and she would _not_!" the other girl said as she tossed her bag on the couch and stuffed her spare key to the girls apartment into her jacket pocket, "you think I don't know when one of you is in a crisis? It's like silent radar; you're not mature enough to handle it so I get called to be the "judgy one" isn't that right Care?" Caroline smirked against her cup "good Moring Elena…, why thank you bon, good morning to you too" Bonnie looked at Elena and the girls chuckled "I'm in no mood Gilbert" she said stepping up onto the small deck and sitting at the breakfast nook across from her best friends, "besides I heard about your night of debauchery, sluts don't receive common courtesy" Elena smirked and stood to put her empty cup in the sink, Bonnie then turned to Caroline "you have to tell him Care. He deserves to know" Caroline groaned outright "Bonnie. He just found out his Grandmother has literally days before she finally shuts her eyes, do you think he needs me to tell him I've been cheating on him with some dick from high-school?" Bonnie shrugged, "oh good. You recognize that he's exactly that a; _"dick from high-school" _Caroline winced at her friends unnecessary enunciating of the word _dick. _Bonnie had never been in Tyler's fan-club. Caroline thought back to the way he'd looked when she saw him yesterday his face strained, his skin so pale and sickly that it looked green, his eyes darker than normal by purple splotches and red specks, and then of course the way he was shaking.

She swallowed; _no_ she wasn't supposed to worry about him, he had Elena to do that—that had to be enough. It would be.

He'd told her in so many words that he could never forgive her for hurting him, there was no hope for their broken relationship and she'd be putting herself through the most unpleasant type of torture by thinking about him. She needed to be worried about her future husband, needed to be worried about how he was doing—she should have gone with him when he told her he was leaving she should be there for him, daily calls just shouldn't be enough but instead she was at home trying to get her body to stop lusting after a man who'd brought her nothing but pain.

Sighing she turned back to her friends who were staring at her, "you're thinking about him aren't you?" Bonnie said tiredly, Caroline looked to Elena "he'd looked awful yesterday, you saw him right? Did he look better last night?" Elena smiled teasingly at her, "no distractions Forbes, continue the ass-chewing Ms. Bennet", Bonnie walked up to her friend and wrapped her shoulders in her lithe fingers, "sweetheart" she said locking eyes "This isn't healthy for you. Do you even remember high-school? He was nothing but trouble for you, he made you miserable" she_ knew _all of this, and it should have been that her friends rather harshly spat words would have ignited the hatred that she'd never felt for the dark haired man, but they were only things that she already knew, she knew she should hate him god if she did her life would be noticeably lighter on the load of—painfully difficult—but she could never feel that for him, only love.

There was a knock on the door, loud enough to draw them all from their previous argument, 3 heads turned to the door and a slightly flustered Bonnie took a step back from her friend and smiled softly at her, "maybe we should talk about this later" the blonde nodded, and headed to answer her door shouting "whoever this is—they better have some sort of chocolate because I'm in NO mood for house g—" her words died in her throat as she opened the door and met eyes that haunted her in her dreams and nightmares, Tyler's eyes grew wide as he looked down at hers and for a moment they just stared at one another.

Then a voice boomed behind him and he moved aside, making way for Trevor holding the hand of his wife "well I didn't bring chocolate, but family will just have to do" Caroline still in her stupor could practically feel the joke whizzing over-head.

Elena—always the courteous one—ushered Caroline aside so Trevor and Vicki could come inside "don't mind her. She's a bit shell shocked… you know, seeing the stripper who we are all sure rocked her world only a few nights ago" the chide cut Caroline out of her haze and she scowled at Elena who smirked playfully, Tyler walked dazedly into the apartment "oh thanks, no that's great just call me the stripper-from-last-night, should be a great conversations starter in public" Elena turned her smirk on Tyler and the two smiled at each other, "how do you know Vick and Trevor Ty?" the married couple turned bright eyes on Tyler "you know Elena?" he shrugged, "I know the whole trio—since high school" he said turning his caramel eyes on Caroline, they lingered on her mouth for a second before he looked away "oh well that must have been awkward huh?" Trevor said rather playfully, his English accent making everything sound cheeky. Tyler sighed, "if you could only imagine" Caroline breathed, and Bonnie suddenly beside her chimed in with disgust "I'd rather not" Tyler only nodded his head in her direction mumbling "good morning judgy", she rolled her eyes but spoke up "how do you guys no Tyler anyway?" Vicki answered as with excessive support from her husband, she sat down at the breakfast nook "he's Matt's best friend… and best man, I thought you'd know that already?" and it was suddenly like the world had fallen off its axis. Gravity became a figment of imagination, and oxygen a word no one knew, Caroline half-dazedly met Tyler's wide staring eyes across the room and for a flicker of a second they were the only two there, unspoken half-conversations flashed at light speed through there connected vision; _"you know Matt! This can't be real"_, _"Matt! Matt is the guy you're marrying!" _  
>Trevor moved to sit where, Bonnie had been standing, "we brought some pretty big news" Vicki said, "but first, you've got some explaining to do" she said squinting at Caroline, who was still to thrown to even understand her surroundings let alone process conversation "where's matty?, where is he <em>really<em>" she asked as an afterthought, the room looked at Caroline and she tore her eyes from Tyler bending over to pick up something Vicki dropped to answer there question, "grandma Donovan is sick" Vicki jumped to her feet with Trevor right behind her his arms shooting out to balance her as if she'd fall, "what's wrong with her!" the small brunette said, Caroline shrugged sadly "matt wouldn't say. Only that the doctors hadn't given her long" Vicki grew angry and suddenly was stomping down the hallways with an equally emotional Trevor yelling something along the lines of "you have to calm down!"

Tyler never would have expected what happened next when the remaining trio's eyes landed on him, he felt his blood run cold—today of all days was not a good day.

He could basically feel the need for another high grating at his insides, and he knew he was snappy, defensive and he'd even go as far as to say he was acting like he was on his period but it was either this, or shoot up like a junky from a bad lifetime movie. Bonnie was first—naturally—walking authoritatively up to him "hey Ty, thought you'd stop by and ruin our morning did you?" he raised an eye brow, "yes of course Bonnie, I thought this explicitly; "I wonder how Bonnie, Elena and Caroline are doing this morning, good? Not anymore" those where my exact thoughts when I woke up, took a piss, and got a call from Vicki" Elena snickered from where she sat, and he shot her a grateful smile.

She stood up and walked over to him hugging him around the neck, "cut him some slack" she said looking at Bonnie, "he's a victim in this as much as Caroline is, and we use to be his friends" Bonnie scoffed and chimed, "I wasn't", he shrugged.

There was no love lost on the Bonnie front, the girl was weighed down with so many issues and they all seemed to bubble and toil to form one judgmental little minx, there was no getting through to her if you had a penis, those where just facts.

He looked back at Caroline who'd been notoriously quiet, she gave him a sad smile and finally moved from her spot at the door and was about to say something when a door slammed suddenly knocking them all out of their awkward conversation, with the sound of Vicki's high-heels clamping down the hallway, "I'm leaving town, my grandma's dead and I—"she stopped as tears started to flow down her face, "Tyler do you mind taking a cab?" Trevor asked as he wrapped his wife in her coat, Tyler shook his head "of course not, tell Matt to call me when he gets a chance" Caroline visibly flinched, they needed to settle this and soon. The room didn't seem to notice, and after giving the couple a kiss, Caroline—broken as she was on her two feet—ushered them out

For a moment the room was deathly quiet, an atmosphere that had never known oxygen, the stead rise of rising chests against fabric seemed to be the only filter Bonnie scowled at Tyler, who stared at his feet his thick arms braided across his chest, Elena smiled weakly—but reassuringly at Caroline who looked at no one in particular, she was seeing nothing—her vision was there, but the comprehension wasn't.

For the first time things hit Caroline, she had not only been sleeping with someone else during a detrimental time in her husband-to-be's life but that person had just so happened to be his best friend, she'd managed to do so much more than just cheat, single-handedly she'd ruined the lives of two people who had been perfectly fine before ever meeting her. This was what she did, she was Queen Midas to a T—she'd watched things fall apart around her and been powerless there was nothing left now, there was only letting go of the love of her life and trying to fix a relationship that had not even truly started, swallowing she found resolve and shut her eyes to the room of bystanders "guys, I need to speak with Tyler, alone please" Elena noticing the conviction in her friends voice sighed—she knew what decision Caroline had made, and so did Bonnie as she took Elena's hand, grabbed her purse and the two girls vanished from the room with the soft clicking of the door.

Then she turned to Tyler, who slowly smiled darkly "Tyler I—"but he held up his palm, "hold that thought princess" he pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number she could see, "yes, hello can I get a cab?" for a moment Caroline stared at him incredulously, but she had resolve—something she'd been missing for years now, and it wouldn't falter he wasn't going anywhere… not until, not until she was sure she'd never see the object of her heart's desire again.

She breached the distance between them—ignoring the way her pule quickened when she smelt the distinct scent of caramel on his skin—and standing directly in front of him, grabbed his phone and ended the call she tossed it on the sofa beside them and frowned at him, he simply raised a bared eyebrow "we need to talk" she amended but he shook his head, still smiling sadly "by that you mean; 'I want to talk, while you listen' right?" when she didn't respond he continued "not interested" he walked away from her and went to sit at the breakfast nook—it had been incredibly busy this morning. "Oh tea!, bet it's yours you always loved tea, said coffee was for punks n losers" he smiled faintly and when she smiled in response she had to quickly turn away "Tyler—" I tried again trying desperately to cut the ties, to end the pain, to stop the wild ride that made my life—my life again, but he shook his hand adamantly "I was right, look at that lipstick mark" now I was irritated.

I was so glad he was so caviler, but my body was like 66 on thanksgiving weekend, emotions flew and scoured like neurons in my mind ranging from anger to sadness to joy and I was always terrible at concealing what I felt, i.e. it had to be now or never.

Tyler brought my mug to his mouth and sipped, and I watched—committing to memory ever plane of skin he had, for this to work—I couldn't see him again, this had to be the last time we saw each other I couldn't day dream about his deep caramel eyes, or those long lashes—his wild dark hair and pecan skin, couldn't hear his laugh or the rich baritone of his voice, I couldn't see him naked or touch his bare skin couldn't enjoy the way his arms fit around my waist or how affectionate he could be when he wanted—like a little puppy, all those things had to be for some girl that could love him the way he most definitely deserved—she had to ignore the way that made her feel. Taking a deep breath she spoke "yeah? Well you're predictable too" he put the cup down and smirked at me with bemused eyes "do explain" he wanted a game huh? He'd get one "a stripper, really? It was obvious in high school you weren't going anywhere but I pictured a 7-eleven vest, not glitter and tighty-whiteys" he shrugged, but stood "and I expected to stop giving a shit about what you thought of me. Shit changes" she swallowed thickly, this was what they needed, she had to keep going there was—and could be no other choice "well you're wasting your time" she flipped her hair over her shoulder in that all too familiar light of nonchalant, after all she was trained to do it well "I stopped caring about you years ago. Don't you get it? I left you for a reason and it wasn't just because you were a failure" Tyler visibly flinched with every word and my heartbeat nearly halted at the pain in his eyes—she was seeing the boy she use to see in High school, his dark hair drooping over his forehead with sweat, his eyes broken and lulled from hours of alcohol and drugs back then Richard was to blame—she hated knowing she was the reason for the way his eyes where ghosting over.

_This had to be _maybe if she kept saying it, it'd be true "you're pathetic, clingy and honestly not the hot-commodity you think you are, all you've got are you're playboy pockets" something in Tyler snapped then, the caramel in his eyes suddenly seemed as bright as firelight, a muscle in his jaw ticked and hardened—she'd be afraid if it weren't for how sexy he looked angry—"I might be all those things, but at least I know how to live. You don't love you're fi—Matt, if you did you wouldn't have fucked me, you're the pathetic one, scared shitless by the fear of your own potential" he spat the words with the accuracy of a dart game and the results were staggering. He knew her better than anyone including herself, but she knew him just as well she could feel the heat between their bodies and it bubbled the blood trapped in her veins frozen with tension but she couldn't—wouldn't back down now, today she'd set him free "you know what you're problem is?" she didn't wait to hear him respond, "you're spineless, failure terrifies you and so does your family's success, wouldn't want to upset daddy dearest would you?" Tyler's grin is savage, it doesn't take a clairvoyant to see what's next "I'm spineless!" he shouts the words, "Caroline if life terrifies me, than it petrifies you! You're so fucked up from all the years of pleasing others that you've got no clue how to please yourself! Who even are you! Do you even know Caroline Forbes anymore!" the words are gunshots pinpointed at her resolve and she can feel hysteria ready and waiting in my lungs.

Tyler's so close now the only thing separating us is his body's restraint, but she can see it in his eyes—years of pain he's done so well at hiding resurfacing and eating away inside of him like acid, but she haven't gotten there—not yet, even as she know what to say something in her crackles and fades the words are going to end them she's sure of it "what would your mom think of you?" the firelights in his eyes are frantic now, tiny explosions of TNT in a dark alley and then fury is coating the air, palpable—bitter tasting and eye watering "ask me when she's not in a fucking coma and I'll be sure to let you know" the news cripples me.

It's a secret to everyone who doesn't truly know Tyler; but he's a giant mama's boy—for lack of a better word—he cares about Carol more than anyone, for her to comatose? Out of his life, he must feel as lost and as wild as his eyes show.

She moves to be closer, to touch him, to hold him—anything but he snarls at her effectively "stay the. Fuck. Away." Each word holds new emotion, and when he's finished his shoulders shake with them all "please, I didn't know! I didn't mean any of that, I'd never purposely hurt you!" Tyler glances at me with disdainful eyes and grabs his jacket as he heads toward the door—hysteria and desperation mingle in my blood stream, he can't leave this way—he can't hate me not really, not for real "Tyler!" I cry, "what!" he snarls in response so sharply she feel like blood has been drawn. Panic wins then, and it may be because she let it, for the first time the fear of losing her best friend a second time is all consuming—for the first time she's forced to stare clarity in the face, it's harsh and cold and it shows her things she can't afford to see—things that say that her heart doesn't belong to Matt Donovan, that maybe it truly never did—maybe it was always his maybe it's those thoughts that speak when she speaks next "I love you"

**Whew! How's that for dramatic? Read and Review if you've got the time lovelies, and as always if not? Just enjoy.**


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